---
As a parent, its pure joy when you see your child make a new discovery and their face reveals the wonder... the glee with the gears turning.. so this is what..., who..., why.
I spent a couple decades in a dark arena. There were no discoveries, only waking to find the same problems and the hole deeper to climb out of. How low can you go was the name of the game.
Today, I'm discovering many new things. On my mind is music. I'm listening to Bruce Springsteen's "Born to Run" CD. Anita got me a 3 disc set for Christmas and I'd listened to this music before, but it has suddenly come alive. It's "THICK!" It has layers, it's powerful, it's genius... it moves me.
Epiphany
Enlightenment
Paradigm Shift
Coming of Age / Self Actualization
Seeing the Light
Anointed
Revelation
I remember when the scriptures came alive. I'd read them before, but suddenly they leapt off the page. The spirit in them connected with my spirit and they came alive! I was transformed. It made perfect sense. Beyond worldly. Truth was being revealed to me like never before.
Same with things I am experiencing lately. Late in life for sure, but in time none the less. Perfect time, possibly.
Concepts like Karma, Heaven and Paradise are designed to enable us to develop a moral compass. Knowledge of an Eternal Life, immortality, with judgement, reward or punishment lying in wait can be an effective motivator. Sure we can assume that man created these concepts to control the masses, but it is readily apparent to the most casual observer that we need governing.
Regardless of belief system, we have these enlightenment experiences along the pathway in the journey of life and they are wonderful!
But it doesn't explain the spiritualness of these ideals that propel them beyond just philosophy. How within, we feel, we experience something either awakened inside of us or invading the void we had. Described by some as a God shaped void. These revelations bring peace that surpasses all understanding. Understanding of the flesh that is.
We attempt to find happiness in the things of the world and though temporary elation is achieved it is never satisfied and often leads to far worse than initially imagined, when pursued. A chasing after the wind, if you will.
It is absolutely exciting to be finding out things... even late in life.
It's nice to be living and learning and experiencing life!
---
This is the blog of an Eternal Optimist who is willing to Live out Loud and share the mountains and valleys of the wonderfully mysterious journey through this thing we call life. They are my personal views and experiences, no more, no less.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
Be the best you - Wheel in the Sky
---
Being me -
I am a shallow person. I have more joy and show more emotion than anyone I've ever known. I am absolutely passionate about some things.
Ignorance is bliss and when we know better, we do better.
The best thing I can give the world is to be the best me I can be, and only I can do that.
That is my purpose, my reason for existence and each of us is unique with a special gift that only we possess.
---
The wheel in the sky keeps on turning -
I've listened to and admired and sang along with many songs over the course of my fifty one years. I like music, it moves me. But I'm shallow and I married a deep person, who listens to lyrics and understands what songs are telling. I just like the beat and usually the chorus. Hey, it works for me and I can be fun to be around. :o)
I'm not sure what that Journey song means, but since I'm involved in ministry and I'm always looking at what the world is doing.. in this case more specifically, religion, ala Christianity, I see the wheel in the sky keeps on turning.
There have been formations, reformations and revelations. Men have been breaking away from the "system," since there was a system. Jesus was a radical whose only defiance was towards the "system." Paul turned away with passion from that which he previously adhered to so earnestly. Martin Luther posted his objections on the door of the church.
Today we're seeing what people in the arena are calling a move of the Holy Spirit of God in the form of an exodus from traditional denominational church to simple, organic, house church type gatherings.
Regardless of what is happening and who is behind it. I will venture to say this, because I believe it to be true.
Where man is involved, there will come another movement (credited to God) and the previous movement leaders will be the biggest opponents of the new movement and the new wine will be poured into new wine skins, because the old wine skins can not hold the new wine without being damaged.
Ahhh, so that's why Jesus told the most learned Nicodemus, "You must be born again."
A paradigm shift in your thinking... Paul says, "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind!"
And what you believe will always precede your behavior.
The wheel in the sky keeps on turning. Man thinks they got it right and their way is the right way. All the rest is foolishness. And of course their way is foolishness to the new way.
So all man kind should join hands and sing, "Wheel in the sky keeps on turning, don't know where I'll be tomorrow!"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a more intimate relationship in what ever it is you seek. Just leave the old system alone and all the other systems as well and understand...
that no matter what...
The wheel in the sky keeps on turning!
---
Being me -
I am a shallow person. I have more joy and show more emotion than anyone I've ever known. I am absolutely passionate about some things.
Ignorance is bliss and when we know better, we do better.
The best thing I can give the world is to be the best me I can be, and only I can do that.
That is my purpose, my reason for existence and each of us is unique with a special gift that only we possess.
---
The wheel in the sky keeps on turning -
I've listened to and admired and sang along with many songs over the course of my fifty one years. I like music, it moves me. But I'm shallow and I married a deep person, who listens to lyrics and understands what songs are telling. I just like the beat and usually the chorus. Hey, it works for me and I can be fun to be around. :o)
I'm not sure what that Journey song means, but since I'm involved in ministry and I'm always looking at what the world is doing.. in this case more specifically, religion, ala Christianity, I see the wheel in the sky keeps on turning.
There have been formations, reformations and revelations. Men have been breaking away from the "system," since there was a system. Jesus was a radical whose only defiance was towards the "system." Paul turned away with passion from that which he previously adhered to so earnestly. Martin Luther posted his objections on the door of the church.
Today we're seeing what people in the arena are calling a move of the Holy Spirit of God in the form of an exodus from traditional denominational church to simple, organic, house church type gatherings.
Regardless of what is happening and who is behind it. I will venture to say this, because I believe it to be true.
Where man is involved, there will come another movement (credited to God) and the previous movement leaders will be the biggest opponents of the new movement and the new wine will be poured into new wine skins, because the old wine skins can not hold the new wine without being damaged.
Ahhh, so that's why Jesus told the most learned Nicodemus, "You must be born again."
A paradigm shift in your thinking... Paul says, "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind!"
And what you believe will always precede your behavior.
The wheel in the sky keeps on turning. Man thinks they got it right and their way is the right way. All the rest is foolishness. And of course their way is foolishness to the new way.
So all man kind should join hands and sing, "Wheel in the sky keeps on turning, don't know where I'll be tomorrow!"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a more intimate relationship in what ever it is you seek. Just leave the old system alone and all the other systems as well and understand...
that no matter what...
The wheel in the sky keeps on turning!
---
Thursday, December 9, 2010
When Tom Waters Died...
---
I wasn't there.
It was 1978 and I was about to turn 18 and living in Florida away from the home I was raised in. A brother had called and informed me it was time to come home, Dad was dying, he was near death...
Tom Waters was in his death bed.
I arrived at the airport in Ohio that night, my oldest brother Tom, was there to pick me up. He greeted me with, "Dad's dead."
I wasn't there...
Many things rang back through my mind concerning Dad and over the years, no, decades, I was able to grieve. It wasn't easy.
Lyrics from Mike & the Mechanics song, "In the living years," apply -
---
I'm sitting here watching Oprah. She's always been about recognizing opportunities. Having the aha moment and learning the lesson. Being in the moment. Being authentic and being the best you. Having Full Circle events in our life.
Times changed. Lives drifted...
apart.
The emails came. The condition was worsening. For the oldest of a new generation, the end was near.
I arranged travel for Mama and met her at the same airport in Ohio. We went to the hospital.
Lucid conversation, eye contact, direct questions... understanding.
The past, the distance, faded...
We made it to the hospital again the next day. Life was slipping away...
Hospice was called in.
---
When Tom Waters died...
I was there.
I wasn't there.
It was 1978 and I was about to turn 18 and living in Florida away from the home I was raised in. A brother had called and informed me it was time to come home, Dad was dying, he was near death...
Tom Waters was in his death bed.
I arrived at the airport in Ohio that night, my oldest brother Tom, was there to pick me up. He greeted me with, "Dad's dead."
I wasn't there...
Many things rang back through my mind concerning Dad and over the years, no, decades, I was able to grieve. It wasn't easy.
Lyrics from Mike & the Mechanics song, "In the living years," apply -
Every generation blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him
In the living years
More crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defense
CHORUS
Say it loud
Say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up
And don't give in
You may just be O.K.
CHORUS
I wasn't there that morning
When my father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him
In the living years
---
I'm sitting here watching Oprah. She's always been about recognizing opportunities. Having the aha moment and learning the lesson. Being in the moment. Being authentic and being the best you. Having Full Circle events in our life.
Times changed. Lives drifted...
apart.
The emails came. The condition was worsening. For the oldest of a new generation, the end was near.
I arranged travel for Mama and met her at the same airport in Ohio. We went to the hospital.
Lucid conversation, eye contact, direct questions... understanding.
The past, the distance, faded...
We made it to the hospital again the next day. Life was slipping away...
Hospice was called in.
---
When Tom Waters died...
I was there.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Bad Day Part Two
---
The next day began as usual... "Up in the mornin' with the Risin' Sun!"
Breakfast, then over to the hangar for a day of aviation maintenance. Same old routine, 12 to 16 hour day.
Scheduled flights continued the same training of 2v1, which I put out of my mind. I was just glad I had a day off from flying and could keep my feet on the ground. I did not allow the previous day's events to enter my mind.
I wish they'd done the same for me...
Early evening brought news that there was a mishap. An aviation accident. When you hear this, you know, it's not like someone just had a little fender bender. In aviation, you can't just pull over to the side of the road. No, when we got this kind of news, we knew it was dire.
My gut began wrenching. Many of my fellow marines, ran from room to room and out into the hangar asking what was going on. Maintenance Control was packed as the observer aircraft radioed in, "chopper down!"
My heart sunk. The Bell was tolling, but for whom? Which one went down, who was on it? Our minds reeled.
Here comes Comer. Good old top gun pilot Comer. Piloting his chopper back to base, uh... missing a front wheel assembly!
We scrambled and placed some pallets and a mattress on a small trailer and coaxed Comer to rest the nose/belly of the aircraft on this trailer. He'd been sitting, turning and burning with the nose up for about 10 minutes while we prepared to aid his landing. He set it down and we secured it before he shut down the engines/rotors.
Cpl. Maldonado, the crew chief, came off the chopper and explained, "once tally and fight's on was called out, the maneuvers began." He checked his wing man as they split with the OV10 in pursuit. They split in the same direction with the wing-man going under Comer and Maldonado's CH46 helicopter.
Maldonado said all he could do was press the intercom button on his long cord and keep yelling, "up, Up, UP!"
Then BOOM... the nose of their aircraft was forced upward. In front of them, the other helicopter, with four men on board, was headed for the forest. It's aft rotor had struck the nose wheel of the lead aircraft. It was doomed; the glide slope of a chopper with damaged blades is the same as a sinker on the end of a fishing line... None.
Soon, the observation chopper came back to the base. The crew chief got out with the helicopter rotors still turning. Flight Equipment was sending out some body bags. They were to return to the site. I remember the crew chief's mouth looked odd as I strained to hear him over the wop-wop-wop of the turning rotors. I reached up and slid the sun shield back to look in his eyes, he was in complete shock. Totally traumatized. He said, "There's just a burnt spot. The chopper broke in three parts! They're dead," he screamed, terror in his eyes. "They're all dead!" His whole body trembled. I ripped the helmet off his head and ordered him to remove his flight vest. I would return to the crash site. He needed help.
I suited up, the pilot radioed in to place me on the manifest of this flight and the body bags were brought to me. I boarded and no wasted effort was made to get back out there, taking off from the tarmac, rather than taxiing out to the runway.
Arriving on the scene, it was as the previous crew chief had described. A burn swatch cut from a previously lush forest setting. We lowered in altitude, our rotors kicking dust, disturbing the site and blowing everything ferociously, as I dropped body bags to Marines on the ground. Not sure who they were.
We slide over towards one side and I prepare the hoist. We slide back over and the guys on the ground place the clip on the bag. I begin to hoist up this fallen comrade. We slowly begin to rise. Then... as I'm looking down, the bag splits open on the bottom and the body plummets earthward.
It was surreal. Everything moved in slow motion. The rotors went by, wop.... wop.... wop, with seconds between each one. The body looked like there was a strobe light on as the arms flailed and just as it bounced off the ground,
I fell on to my back screaming, "Noooooooooooooooooo!"
I flash back to a day in boot camp, the words of one of my Drill Instructors ringing in my ears, "The only men that have earned the right to wear the uniform of the United States Marine Corps were those who died while serving in it!"
I remember being told to just toss the other couple of body bags out and as I do, I notice they are dry rotted. They'd been folded into squares and in storage since the Viet Nam era.
I don't remember returning to base.
---
I failed. I didn't inspect the bags before attempting to use them. I allowed a dead Marine's body to be mishandled. The only Marine I ever met that had earned the right to wear the uniform.
I didn't go beyond Maintenance Control the day before and make more of an issue about an out of control pilot who was endangering lives.
I failed and I wore the guilt and developed self defeating behaviors to punish me. I didn't understand anything. Except this: I failed and people died.
---
I remember drinking, again.
I remember nightmares...
and not wanting to go to bed, fighting sleep, out of fear of returning nightmares...
and I'd drink...
until I passed out.
This became my existence for the next ten years. A down hill slide I could not comprehend.
One I could not discuss with anyone. You do not have weaknesses when you're a United States Marine.
They're not permitted. If you needed them you would have been issued some!
I was in the Philippines one day, Okinawa the next and Hawaii the next. Two weeks later I was headed for my next duty station. I didn't get to grieve and share the event with those who were grieving it.
I just tried to drown it. Night after night, after night.
I met a Filipino woman/party animal who introduced me to crack. I went in to say I needed help but the drug amnesty guy was on leave. The XO had said call me anytime, unless you're on dope.
I went back home and got high.
Booted out, on a general discharge under "other than" honorable conditions, I went to a VA hospital. The VA became a revolving door of numerous 3 to 6 month stays in the Psych ward and through programs with ever changing medications and still no one of common ground to discuss this with. I was diagnosed with PTSD and Bipolar yet I was still refused entry into a PTSD program because I was not a combat veteran.
I had served with meritorious promotions and a gung-ho attitude and I was spit out like a cancerous cell. I was denied treatment. We were taught that Marines never leave anyone behind. I was beginning to believe that "Semper Fi" no longer meant what I'd been taught.
I was hurt and troubled and my life screwed deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole.
Numerous lost jobs, ruined marriages/relationships, including 16 years of separation from my one and only son.
In and out of jail for stupid stuff.
I quit drinking and drugging when I landed in prison in 1998.
---
---
As a squadron, from 1985 to 1988, HMM 262 crashed four helicopters in peace time training exercises, resulting in the loss of seven lives, hundreds of thousands of dollars in equipment and broken hearts, families and minds forever.
That's all I can take for today... I'll post more another day.
---
If anyone is interested, I wrote a book -
The next day began as usual... "Up in the mornin' with the Risin' Sun!"
At MCAS Futenma, in Okinawa, the Japanese flag flew high over the base.
Breakfast, then over to the hangar for a day of aviation maintenance. Same old routine, 12 to 16 hour day.
Scheduled flights continued the same training of 2v1, which I put out of my mind. I was just glad I had a day off from flying and could keep my feet on the ground. I did not allow the previous day's events to enter my mind.
I wish they'd done the same for me...
Early evening brought news that there was a mishap. An aviation accident. When you hear this, you know, it's not like someone just had a little fender bender. In aviation, you can't just pull over to the side of the road. No, when we got this kind of news, we knew it was dire.
My gut began wrenching. Many of my fellow marines, ran from room to room and out into the hangar asking what was going on. Maintenance Control was packed as the observer aircraft radioed in, "chopper down!"
My heart sunk. The Bell was tolling, but for whom? Which one went down, who was on it? Our minds reeled.
Here comes Comer. Good old top gun pilot Comer. Piloting his chopper back to base, uh... missing a front wheel assembly!
We scrambled and placed some pallets and a mattress on a small trailer and coaxed Comer to rest the nose/belly of the aircraft on this trailer. He'd been sitting, turning and burning with the nose up for about 10 minutes while we prepared to aid his landing. He set it down and we secured it before he shut down the engines/rotors.
Cpl. Maldonado, the crew chief, came off the chopper and explained, "once tally and fight's on was called out, the maneuvers began." He checked his wing man as they split with the OV10 in pursuit. They split in the same direction with the wing-man going under Comer and Maldonado's CH46 helicopter.
Maldonado said all he could do was press the intercom button on his long cord and keep yelling, "up, Up, UP!"
Then BOOM... the nose of their aircraft was forced upward. In front of them, the other helicopter, with four men on board, was headed for the forest. It's aft rotor had struck the nose wheel of the lead aircraft. It was doomed; the glide slope of a chopper with damaged blades is the same as a sinker on the end of a fishing line... None.
Soon, the observation chopper came back to the base. The crew chief got out with the helicopter rotors still turning. Flight Equipment was sending out some body bags. They were to return to the site. I remember the crew chief's mouth looked odd as I strained to hear him over the wop-wop-wop of the turning rotors. I reached up and slid the sun shield back to look in his eyes, he was in complete shock. Totally traumatized. He said, "There's just a burnt spot. The chopper broke in three parts! They're dead," he screamed, terror in his eyes. "They're all dead!" His whole body trembled. I ripped the helmet off his head and ordered him to remove his flight vest. I would return to the crash site. He needed help.
I suited up, the pilot radioed in to place me on the manifest of this flight and the body bags were brought to me. I boarded and no wasted effort was made to get back out there, taking off from the tarmac, rather than taxiing out to the runway.
Arriving on the scene, it was as the previous crew chief had described. A burn swatch cut from a previously lush forest setting. We lowered in altitude, our rotors kicking dust, disturbing the site and blowing everything ferociously, as I dropped body bags to Marines on the ground. Not sure who they were.
We slide over towards one side and I prepare the hoist. We slide back over and the guys on the ground place the clip on the bag. I begin to hoist up this fallen comrade. We slowly begin to rise. Then... as I'm looking down, the bag splits open on the bottom and the body plummets earthward.
It was surreal. Everything moved in slow motion. The rotors went by, wop.... wop.... wop, with seconds between each one. The body looked like there was a strobe light on as the arms flailed and just as it bounced off the ground,
I fell on to my back screaming, "Noooooooooooooooooo!"
I flash back to a day in boot camp, the words of one of my Drill Instructors ringing in my ears, "The only men that have earned the right to wear the uniform of the United States Marine Corps were those who died while serving in it!"
I remember being told to just toss the other couple of body bags out and as I do, I notice they are dry rotted. They'd been folded into squares and in storage since the Viet Nam era.
I don't remember returning to base.
---
I failed. I didn't inspect the bags before attempting to use them. I allowed a dead Marine's body to be mishandled. The only Marine I ever met that had earned the right to wear the uniform.
I didn't go beyond Maintenance Control the day before and make more of an issue about an out of control pilot who was endangering lives.
I failed and I wore the guilt and developed self defeating behaviors to punish me. I didn't understand anything. Except this: I failed and people died.
---
I remember drinking, again.
I remember nightmares...
and not wanting to go to bed, fighting sleep, out of fear of returning nightmares...
and I'd drink...
until I passed out.
This became my existence for the next ten years. A down hill slide I could not comprehend.
One I could not discuss with anyone. You do not have weaknesses when you're a United States Marine.
They're not permitted. If you needed them you would have been issued some!
I was in the Philippines one day, Okinawa the next and Hawaii the next. Two weeks later I was headed for my next duty station. I didn't get to grieve and share the event with those who were grieving it.
I just tried to drown it. Night after night, after night.
I met a Filipino woman/party animal who introduced me to crack. I went in to say I needed help but the drug amnesty guy was on leave. The XO had said call me anytime, unless you're on dope.
I went back home and got high.
Booted out, on a general discharge under "other than" honorable conditions, I went to a VA hospital. The VA became a revolving door of numerous 3 to 6 month stays in the Psych ward and through programs with ever changing medications and still no one of common ground to discuss this with. I was diagnosed with PTSD and Bipolar yet I was still refused entry into a PTSD program because I was not a combat veteran.
I had served with meritorious promotions and a gung-ho attitude and I was spit out like a cancerous cell. I was denied treatment. We were taught that Marines never leave anyone behind. I was beginning to believe that "Semper Fi" no longer meant what I'd been taught.
I was hurt and troubled and my life screwed deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole.
Numerous lost jobs, ruined marriages/relationships, including 16 years of separation from my one and only son.
In and out of jail for stupid stuff.
I quit drinking and drugging when I landed in prison in 1998.
---
Tribute
It is not the critic that counts.
The critic who thinks he knows how the strong man stumbled and fell,
Or where the doer of deeds could have done better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.
Whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood.
Who strives valiantly.
Who errs and comes up short again and again.
Who knows the great enthusiasm – the great devotion
And spends in a worthy cause;
And if he fails
At least he fails while daring greatly.
So that he’ll never be with those cold and timid souls.
Who know neither victory nor its pursuit.
Theodore Roosevelt
In Memory Of
Capt. John E. Nesbit 1st Lt. Andrew G. First Cpl. Jeffery | Maj. Richard J. Eisloeffel Capt. Michael F. King Cpl. Sean M. Timmons Cpl. Charles F. Dehn Jr. |
11 May 1988 | 31 October 1988 |
---
As a squadron, from 1985 to 1988, HMM 262 crashed four helicopters in peace time training exercises, resulting in the loss of seven lives, hundreds of thousands of dollars in equipment and broken hearts, families and minds forever.
That's all I can take for today... I'll post more another day.
---
If anyone is interested, I wrote a book -
Available at these links -
* all proceeds are used for missions to Africa to help give clean drinking water to those who thirst.
** If you're a fellow Marine, contact me at dwaters59@gmail.com and I will send you a copy.
---
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Bad Day Part One
---
When one door closes, another door opens. I was considering leaving Facebook... when I got a post on my wall from a good friend Lisa about Lions and Tigers. In my response I had to look for a link to my old Marine Corps squadron, HMM262, the Flying Tigers. And there, I found photos that I spent the next two hours going through. Many memories flooded my mind.
There were videos of stuff like this. And when you've lived like that, it can at times, be difficult to find things as exciting in life outside the Corps. This was every day life. Lives were on the line. Decisions you made, documents you signed, directly affected lives.
And there were some that I served with that did not make good decisions. And they endangered lives along the way.
One particular day, which has had a more profound effect on me than any other, ended with four of my fellow Marines dead, one helicopter completely destroyed, one damaged and numerous lives to go on and never be the same.
It started the day before. I was a hard charging Marine, flying around on CH-46 helicopters and loving every minute of it. We were in Okinawa Japan at MCAS Futenma.
I headed out on a flight as Crew Chief with a hot-dog pilot named Comer. I do not remember the co-pilot that day.
We were involved in 2v1, two versus one combat flight maneuvers where two CH-46 helicopters, flying in formation would engage in aerial combat with a fixed wing OV-10 aircraft. There was also another helicopter involved that would circle the area, high above all the action, as an observer. The choppers would rotate after each encounter so everyone got some training. I emphasize training because that is what we're involved in here and I learned in Non Commissioned Officers School, that when you're leading training, if you injure a fellow Marine, then you have defeated the purpose of training and weakened the best fighting force the world has ever known.
So, we're flying along at low level, trying to blend our camouflage paint scheme in with the terrain below, our wing-man behind and to the right. We're vigilant out the windows, knowing the attack must come from above, since we're at a low level.
"Enemy spotted at 2 o-clock high," I shout. It is relayed over the radio to the wing-man, who acknowledges. We stay in formation and continue until the enemy would spot us and radio to announce it. Our response was "we have a tally," meaning we see everyone involved, us, the wing-man and the enemy, then announce "Fight's on!"
We turn to make the attack come from the rear. As the enemy closed in, we split, now the OV-10 has to make a choice as to which one to follow. We're zig-zagging away. The back of the air craft is twisting and turning. We pop a torque ball on an indicator in the cock pit and I notice we violate the hard deck, by dropping below 200' AGL (200 feet above ground level). Nothing but thick forest below.
The OV-10 chooses one of us and the other would then turn and get guns on the enemy intruder attacking our wing-man, announced with "guns, guns, guns," over the intercom.
Fight's off, and the OV-10 flies out of sight and we repeat the process allowing the wing-man to now lead and/or change places with the observation aircraft.
I'd flown in this and many other types of training, accumulating some 350+ hours at this point. But on this day, it was the first time I'd ever felt afraid. I mean, Marines just don't get afraid. It's not in our DNA.
But the way that Comer was flying was inappropriate and I told him so. I berated him. I'd never spoken that way to a superior officer. It was like treason, but when someone is doing what they should not be and lives are in jeopardy, something must be said.
He told me to chill out. So I laid down and strapped my self in and announced, "I QUIT!" When the pilot and co-pilot turned to look in the back at me, Comer asked, "what the hell are you doing, Waters?" I flipped them off and demanded to be taken back to the base.
My heart was pounding, my eyes were red and welled up and I felt like I was going to die if this type of flying went on for one more minute. No one else in the flight training, outside of our aircraft, knew of the conflict in our chopper. I refused to participate any further so we headed back to base.
I thought I might be in a heap of trouble. When we landed and shut the chopper down, I exited the aircraft without a word and went directly to maintenance control, and told of Comer's flight habits. They clearly saw that I was upset and seemed to want to just calm me down. I said very loud, "if this does not stop some one is going to die!" Their faces understood my concern but their response was, "you don't want to ruin this guy's career." I left in disgust and couldn't wait to get off work and get drunk. I spoke to no one else about it.
I drowned the emotions that night at the E-Club.
---
This is all I can write today, I'm overwhelmed. I will continue it with a part two tomorrow.
---
When one door closes, another door opens. I was considering leaving Facebook... when I got a post on my wall from a good friend Lisa about Lions and Tigers. In my response I had to look for a link to my old Marine Corps squadron, HMM262, the Flying Tigers. And there, I found photos that I spent the next two hours going through. Many memories flooded my mind.
There were videos of stuff like this. And when you've lived like that, it can at times, be difficult to find things as exciting in life outside the Corps. This was every day life. Lives were on the line. Decisions you made, documents you signed, directly affected lives.
And there were some that I served with that did not make good decisions. And they endangered lives along the way.
One particular day, which has had a more profound effect on me than any other, ended with four of my fellow Marines dead, one helicopter completely destroyed, one damaged and numerous lives to go on and never be the same.
It started the day before. I was a hard charging Marine, flying around on CH-46 helicopters and loving every minute of it. We were in Okinawa Japan at MCAS Futenma.
I headed out on a flight as Crew Chief with a hot-dog pilot named Comer. I do not remember the co-pilot that day.
We were involved in 2v1, two versus one combat flight maneuvers where two CH-46 helicopters, flying in formation would engage in aerial combat with a fixed wing OV-10 aircraft. There was also another helicopter involved that would circle the area, high above all the action, as an observer. The choppers would rotate after each encounter so everyone got some training. I emphasize training because that is what we're involved in here and I learned in Non Commissioned Officers School, that when you're leading training, if you injure a fellow Marine, then you have defeated the purpose of training and weakened the best fighting force the world has ever known.
So, we're flying along at low level, trying to blend our camouflage paint scheme in with the terrain below, our wing-man behind and to the right. We're vigilant out the windows, knowing the attack must come from above, since we're at a low level.
"Enemy spotted at 2 o-clock high," I shout. It is relayed over the radio to the wing-man, who acknowledges. We stay in formation and continue until the enemy would spot us and radio to announce it. Our response was "we have a tally," meaning we see everyone involved, us, the wing-man and the enemy, then announce "Fight's on!"
We turn to make the attack come from the rear. As the enemy closed in, we split, now the OV-10 has to make a choice as to which one to follow. We're zig-zagging away. The back of the air craft is twisting and turning. We pop a torque ball on an indicator in the cock pit and I notice we violate the hard deck, by dropping below 200' AGL (200 feet above ground level). Nothing but thick forest below.
The OV-10 chooses one of us and the other would then turn and get guns on the enemy intruder attacking our wing-man, announced with "guns, guns, guns," over the intercom.
Fight's off, and the OV-10 flies out of sight and we repeat the process allowing the wing-man to now lead and/or change places with the observation aircraft.
I'd flown in this and many other types of training, accumulating some 350+ hours at this point. But on this day, it was the first time I'd ever felt afraid. I mean, Marines just don't get afraid. It's not in our DNA.
But the way that Comer was flying was inappropriate and I told him so. I berated him. I'd never spoken that way to a superior officer. It was like treason, but when someone is doing what they should not be and lives are in jeopardy, something must be said.
He told me to chill out. So I laid down and strapped my self in and announced, "I QUIT!" When the pilot and co-pilot turned to look in the back at me, Comer asked, "what the hell are you doing, Waters?" I flipped them off and demanded to be taken back to the base.
My heart was pounding, my eyes were red and welled up and I felt like I was going to die if this type of flying went on for one more minute. No one else in the flight training, outside of our aircraft, knew of the conflict in our chopper. I refused to participate any further so we headed back to base.
I thought I might be in a heap of trouble. When we landed and shut the chopper down, I exited the aircraft without a word and went directly to maintenance control, and told of Comer's flight habits. They clearly saw that I was upset and seemed to want to just calm me down. I said very loud, "if this does not stop some one is going to die!" Their faces understood my concern but their response was, "you don't want to ruin this guy's career." I left in disgust and couldn't wait to get off work and get drunk. I spoke to no one else about it.
I drowned the emotions that night at the E-Club.
The next day was a bad day.
A very bad day.
---
This is all I can write today, I'm overwhelmed. I will continue it with a part two tomorrow.
---
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Its time... I can't contain it
---
And sometimes that is a good thing and sometimes it is not. We watched a movie last night, The Insider and a line in that movie was, "know what you're going to do before you do it and then do it."
Maybe maturity has to do with not saying what you feel like and I lack that, but that is me and that, more than anything is what this is about.
I am me. I am human and I have faults and I don't try to hide them. There is a biblical scripture that says even a fool seems wise with his mouth shut, or something to that effect...okay Ill post the exact reference for you freakin literalists.
28 Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.
Thats I right I said freakin. Get over it. Sheesh.
I'm on a journey like everyone else and along the way, as I was taught to bash homosexuals and unbelievers, I was taught understanding and tolerance by the most beautiful human I know, my wife Anita.
And I've carried on many lengthy deep conversation with a great Atheist friend Dawn whom I adore and really appreciate. It stretches me.
I'm rebellious to the most casual observer and when I read George Barna's book, "Revolution", I was motivated, inspired and enthralled. I jumped on the band wagon and bashed the traditional denominational church. Thus was born the simple, the organic, the cell group type church. One that was described as more biblical.
Well time passed and folks like Neil Cole and Tony & Felicty Dale, and a whole host of others wrote books all about this church in your home biblical format. How to do it, etc.
Tony and Felicity are incredible and have sacrificed much to further this arena. Much has been written from both the legacy church perspective and from the simple/organic church side. There have been man made labels of course, like emerging church, emergent church, Missional and so on and so forth.
Initially it was wanting a more intimate experience with God. Who doesn't want that? And there was a lot of criticism of the traditional church. Many many point blank statements like, "in the absence of the Holy Spirit there are programs."
Okay okay, so that seemed to die away some and then we began to see some organization. Conferences, books books and more books galore, along with newsletters and.... it was beginning to look a lot like them spiritual conferences with big names in the arena for them to sell their wares, not unlike any other amway convention or electronics or anything else. How to do music, how to have kids involved, how to break bread, how to....
More and more ways, how to's. How to seek God, come together without an agenda, exercise your spiritual gifts etc etc etc.
Even Methods of talking to the lord daily. CO2's (church of two). LK10's (Luke 10-2 pray to the lord of the harvest...) the mantra of this movement along with acts 2:42 - they met in their homes and broke bread with glad hearts and .... their number grew daily.
Growing faith where life happens
Ya know, IF you're gonna be biblical, I mean you're moving toward literal, then
This grew into just plain biblical, leaving all other forms of church as wrong. Even heretical. Neil Cole even had the audacity to post a note and/or blog about the roman emporer Constantine being Satan's entry into the church as the institution was created and exists today, 1700 years later.
I was incredibly offended by his assertion and felt it completely disrespectful and uncalled for. If you want to get closer to God, then go in your closet and get close. STOP blasting any and all other manners of worship.
Hey, I'm guilty of all of it at one time or another. Neil is on a pedestal in this arena and should not in my opinion still be bashing the church.
So I confront him publicly on facebook, since his attack is public and he gets offended and calls me juvenile after accusing me of being a name caller, so I call him a hypocrite.
Whatever, Neil and no one else is the authority on God or the appropriate way to worship.
That is what gets to me more than anything else is when someone asserts their way is the right way or asserts to know the mind of God and what God wants. It sickens me. It makes me want to distance myself from those types and their methods as far as I can get.
Get over yourself!
Right, wrong? It's me, remember I said I'm human and have faults? There ya go.
I should get over me too.
I do see something in the simple/organic church happening. They're organizing like the traditional church, calling it networks which is incredibly similar to denominational districts. They getting paid staff and growing their budgets along the way as well. Some of the many things they initially and some still do, criticize the institutional/traditional/legacy churches of.
( I want to to loudly proclaim that Tony and Felicity Dale never bashed the church and as far as I know always referred to it as their brothers and sisters and asserted it to be a field ripe for harvest like every where else.)
I see groups claiming they gave away a million dollars over the course of seven years and this is how you too can do it!!!!, throwing that in the face of the traditional church.
I never recall Jesus or the Apostle Paul using quantities to laud anything they did for the kingdom.
So this leads me to social media and publicly approving or denouncing anything.
I'm involved in a ministry and we have a blog site for the ministry. This is the blog site for me.
I am Not the ministry. I want to be able to be me, faults and all and voice my opinion, whether in accordance with or in opposition to an agenda or person.
Much like a disclaimer at the bottom of the rolling screen in fine print or quickly spoken on the radio... in no way does this represent the opinion of the ministry or anything else that can be held against us etc...
So, be me and leave the social media scene or reign it in and lay low, "under Satan's radar screen," as my friend Ralph would say.
I think Ill go back to sites where one can openly debate and no one cares who you are. They're just glad you're there and when they're offended they get over it. They don't block you like Neil did me.
Here's my request to you Neil Cole, since you're not going to allow me to reply further, please delete my comments from the discussion on your page.
I had a blow out with Maurice Smith similarly over networking simple churches and the biblical references which also led into a discussion of his book, "All dogs go to heaven, don't they?" a book against Unitarianism. We no longer communicate.
There is one judge and in my opinion my great friend Jacq said it best, "none of us have a clue, but we can love God and love people."
I finally figured out what bothers me most in all of this. Its the apparent bullying. I grew up with a couple of bullies and I just won't tolerate it. When one group starts beating up on another group, I see it as bullying and something deep inside comes up and I can't contain it.
Namaste
---
And sometimes that is a good thing and sometimes it is not. We watched a movie last night, The Insider and a line in that movie was, "know what you're going to do before you do it and then do it."
Maybe maturity has to do with not saying what you feel like and I lack that, but that is me and that, more than anything is what this is about.
I am me. I am human and I have faults and I don't try to hide them. There is a biblical scripture that says even a fool seems wise with his mouth shut, or something to that effect...okay Ill post the exact reference for you freakin literalists.
Proverbs 17:28 (New International Version, ©2010)
28 Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent,
Thats I right I said freakin. Get over it. Sheesh.
I'm on a journey like everyone else and along the way, as I was taught to bash homosexuals and unbelievers, I was taught understanding and tolerance by the most beautiful human I know, my wife Anita.
And I've carried on many lengthy deep conversation with a great Atheist friend Dawn whom I adore and really appreciate. It stretches me.
I'm rebellious to the most casual observer and when I read George Barna's book, "Revolution", I was motivated, inspired and enthralled. I jumped on the band wagon and bashed the traditional denominational church. Thus was born the simple, the organic, the cell group type church. One that was described as more biblical.
Well time passed and folks like Neil Cole and Tony & Felicty Dale, and a whole host of others wrote books all about this church in your home biblical format. How to do it, etc.
Tony and Felicity are incredible and have sacrificed much to further this arena. Much has been written from both the legacy church perspective and from the simple/organic church side. There have been man made labels of course, like emerging church, emergent church, Missional and so on and so forth.
Initially it was wanting a more intimate experience with God. Who doesn't want that? And there was a lot of criticism of the traditional church. Many many point blank statements like, "in the absence of the Holy Spirit there are programs."
Okay okay, so that seemed to die away some and then we began to see some organization. Conferences, books books and more books galore, along with newsletters and.... it was beginning to look a lot like them spiritual conferences with big names in the arena for them to sell their wares, not unlike any other amway convention or electronics or anything else. How to do music, how to have kids involved, how to break bread, how to....
More and more ways, how to's. How to seek God, come together without an agenda, exercise your spiritual gifts etc etc etc.
Even Methods of talking to the lord daily. CO2's (church of two). LK10's (Luke 10-2 pray to the lord of the harvest...) the mantra of this movement along with acts 2:42 - they met in their homes and broke bread with glad hearts and .... their number grew daily.
Growing faith where life happens
Ya know, IF you're gonna be biblical, I mean you're moving toward literal, then
This grew into just plain biblical, leaving all other forms of church as wrong. Even heretical. Neil Cole even had the audacity to post a note and/or blog about the roman emporer Constantine being Satan's entry into the church as the institution was created and exists today, 1700 years later.
I was incredibly offended by his assertion and felt it completely disrespectful and uncalled for. If you want to get closer to God, then go in your closet and get close. STOP blasting any and all other manners of worship.
Hey, I'm guilty of all of it at one time or another. Neil is on a pedestal in this arena and should not in my opinion still be bashing the church.
So I confront him publicly on facebook, since his attack is public and he gets offended and calls me juvenile after accusing me of being a name caller, so I call him a hypocrite.
Whatever, Neil and no one else is the authority on God or the appropriate way to worship.
That is what gets to me more than anything else is when someone asserts their way is the right way or asserts to know the mind of God and what God wants. It sickens me. It makes me want to distance myself from those types and their methods as far as I can get.
Get over yourself!
Right, wrong? It's me, remember I said I'm human and have faults? There ya go.
I should get over me too.
I do see something in the simple/organic church happening. They're organizing like the traditional church, calling it networks which is incredibly similar to denominational districts. They getting paid staff and growing their budgets along the way as well. Some of the many things they initially and some still do, criticize the institutional/traditional/legacy churches of.
( I want to to loudly proclaim that Tony and Felicity Dale never bashed the church and as far as I know always referred to it as their brothers and sisters and asserted it to be a field ripe for harvest like every where else.)
I see groups claiming they gave away a million dollars over the course of seven years and this is how you too can do it!!!!, throwing that in the face of the traditional church.
I never recall Jesus or the Apostle Paul using quantities to laud anything they did for the kingdom.
So this leads me to social media and publicly approving or denouncing anything.
I'm involved in a ministry and we have a blog site for the ministry. This is the blog site for me.
I am Not the ministry. I want to be able to be me, faults and all and voice my opinion, whether in accordance with or in opposition to an agenda or person.
Much like a disclaimer at the bottom of the rolling screen in fine print or quickly spoken on the radio... in no way does this represent the opinion of the ministry or anything else that can be held against us etc...
So, be me and leave the social media scene or reign it in and lay low, "under Satan's radar screen," as my friend Ralph would say.
I think Ill go back to sites where one can openly debate and no one cares who you are. They're just glad you're there and when they're offended they get over it. They don't block you like Neil did me.
Here's my request to you Neil Cole, since you're not going to allow me to reply further, please delete my comments from the discussion on your page.
I had a blow out with Maurice Smith similarly over networking simple churches and the biblical references which also led into a discussion of his book, "All dogs go to heaven, don't they?" a book against Unitarianism. We no longer communicate.
There is one judge and in my opinion my great friend Jacq said it best, "none of us have a clue, but we can love God and love people."
I finally figured out what bothers me most in all of this. Its the apparent bullying. I grew up with a couple of bullies and I just won't tolerate it. When one group starts beating up on another group, I see it as bullying and something deep inside comes up and I can't contain it.
Namaste
---
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
One Encounter = Change
---
I love getting into discussions, not arguments, but civil discussions about a variety of things that interest me, mostly about how & why we're here and what we're supposed to do and when this leads to the Bible, which it usually does understandably in this western world saturated with Christianity, I bounce things off of people to see what they believe. More than anything I want to know what people believe and why.
I blog when I can't contain something. Today it's about an encounter with Jesus. From my perspective and considering the events described in the New Testament, it appears that one can not avoid being changed, radically, forever, with just one encounter with Jesus.
Numerous accounts of people being healed, being transformed, continuing on to lead significantly altered lives.
As much as I question what is in the Bible as to whether it is literal or figurative. God inspired, or just advice from someone to a group concerning a specific circumstance, the one thing that still stands out is that everyone who encounters Jesus is changed.
Regardless of what I believe and what is true, in the Bible, what is undeniable is that Jesus changed me and many others like no other.
One encounter with the risen Christ and Saul became Paul and went on 4 mission trips planting churches and spreading the gospel. Subsequently writing more then 50% of the New testament. A radical change from the persecution he'd been spear-heading prior.
The woman at the well, who avoided public contact, now went and evangelized a whole town.
Bartimaeus had his sight restored, the lame walked. A lady just touched the hem of Jesus' garment and was healed after 12 years of no relief from any other source.
The learned, like Nicodemus acknowledged the evidence of God with Jesus and questioned his ideals, experiencing a paradigm shift in his thinking and understanding of this new way.
A lunatic running naked between the grave yards, unable to be held by chains, is healed and found clothed, in his right mind and at the feet of Jesus.
I had an encounter and the next thing I know I'm headed for Africa on a mission trip.
I've been to churches and seen many people who attend church whose lives do not reveal any radical changes. I do not know how this can be, in light of what I have presented above.
What about you, what has changed for you due to your encounter with the risen Christ?
Practice compassion and random acts of kindness. Let your light shine before men and acknowledge why you can't contain it.
Namaste
---
I love getting into discussions, not arguments, but civil discussions about a variety of things that interest me, mostly about how & why we're here and what we're supposed to do and when this leads to the Bible, which it usually does understandably in this western world saturated with Christianity, I bounce things off of people to see what they believe. More than anything I want to know what people believe and why.
I blog when I can't contain something. Today it's about an encounter with Jesus. From my perspective and considering the events described in the New Testament, it appears that one can not avoid being changed, radically, forever, with just one encounter with Jesus.
Numerous accounts of people being healed, being transformed, continuing on to lead significantly altered lives.
As much as I question what is in the Bible as to whether it is literal or figurative. God inspired, or just advice from someone to a group concerning a specific circumstance, the one thing that still stands out is that everyone who encounters Jesus is changed.
Regardless of what I believe and what is true, in the Bible, what is undeniable is that Jesus changed me and many others like no other.
One encounter with the risen Christ and Saul became Paul and went on 4 mission trips planting churches and spreading the gospel. Subsequently writing more then 50% of the New testament. A radical change from the persecution he'd been spear-heading prior.
The woman at the well, who avoided public contact, now went and evangelized a whole town.
Bartimaeus had his sight restored, the lame walked. A lady just touched the hem of Jesus' garment and was healed after 12 years of no relief from any other source.
The learned, like Nicodemus acknowledged the evidence of God with Jesus and questioned his ideals, experiencing a paradigm shift in his thinking and understanding of this new way.
A lunatic running naked between the grave yards, unable to be held by chains, is healed and found clothed, in his right mind and at the feet of Jesus.
I had an encounter and the next thing I know I'm headed for Africa on a mission trip.
I've been to churches and seen many people who attend church whose lives do not reveal any radical changes. I do not know how this can be, in light of what I have presented above.
What about you, what has changed for you due to your encounter with the risen Christ?
Practice compassion and random acts of kindness. Let your light shine before men and acknowledge why you can't contain it.
Namaste
---
Monday, November 15, 2010
Too Wonderful
---
There are times when I experience something and it is too wonderful for words... so I laugh. It can be a bit awkward, like when I do it during a church service or while seated listening to a live performance of a Symphony. Imagine even in the middle of being intimate.
Some people think I'm being rude. Some have built in paranoia and think I'm laughing at something concerning them. Some wonder what is so funny and want to join me.
"Meaningless, meaningless, everything under the sun is meaningless," wrote the author of the book of Ecclesiastes. The man many claim to have been the wisest man that ever lived.
Being the "Eternal Optimist" that I am, I boldly proclaim, "wonderful, wonderful, everything under the sun is too wonderful!"
When I consider how a tree grows to towering heights and year after year, it produces leaves and those leaves provide shade and absorb toxic gas and exchange it for life giving oxygen, I laugh. Then having filled its purpose, the leaves fall to the ground to fertilize it's parent, becoming food for insects in the process. It is too wonderfully perfect for my mind as I watch the ants in file carrying their payload of nutrition for others to feast upon. Their provision from above, manna from heaven. Service to others. Its just too wonderful.
As Jesus described, if we who are capable of giving our children what they need, how much more our father in heaven would provide for our needs. Too wonderful for me.
How the stars in the sky, the planets with their moons, the comets, the black holes, the dark matter, the most powerful Quasar, and the millions of galaxies all are in perfect order as you journey to the edge of the universe, is too wonderful for me.
I love revelations, aha moments, discoveries and the feeling of purpose. Piecing together the puzzle of existence.
As I listen to a guitar or a saxophone player create and take me to a place I didn't expect, often it is too wonderful for me. It defies gravity. It is not subject to the laws of physics. It is no longer worldly.
These are spiritual moments that words can not describe. When truth comes marching in without even knocking on the door.
They are too wonderful for words for me, so I laugh. At times, uncontrollably.
A hawk in flight, a dolphin spinning through the air, the thought of the cosmic forces of good that brought my wife and I together. I can sit and contemplate and attempt to explain or understand their goodness or my fascination but I find, they are too wonderful for me and I laugh.
The way my heart flutters when my wife walks into the room, and our eyes meet is too wonderful for me. How I feel when I am in her arms and I get lost in her eyes, mesmerized. Searching for the reason that all this blessing has been poured on me, finding only endless wonder and joy. With thankfulness, I laugh.
It is too wonderful for me and I smile until I chuckle then laugh, leading to a full on belly shaking laugh out loud and finally rolling on the floor laughing with tears welling up in my eyes, because I can not contain the goodness of it. It is beyond words and the feeling so great, so unparalleled I can find no other way to describe or explain, except to say...
It is Too Wonderful...
and laugh.
---
There are times when I experience something and it is too wonderful for words... so I laugh. It can be a bit awkward, like when I do it during a church service or while seated listening to a live performance of a Symphony. Imagine even in the middle of being intimate.
Some people think I'm being rude. Some have built in paranoia and think I'm laughing at something concerning them. Some wonder what is so funny and want to join me.
"Meaningless, meaningless, everything under the sun is meaningless," wrote the author of the book of Ecclesiastes. The man many claim to have been the wisest man that ever lived.
Being the "Eternal Optimist" that I am, I boldly proclaim, "wonderful, wonderful, everything under the sun is too wonderful!"
When I consider how a tree grows to towering heights and year after year, it produces leaves and those leaves provide shade and absorb toxic gas and exchange it for life giving oxygen, I laugh. Then having filled its purpose, the leaves fall to the ground to fertilize it's parent, becoming food for insects in the process. It is too wonderfully perfect for my mind as I watch the ants in file carrying their payload of nutrition for others to feast upon. Their provision from above, manna from heaven. Service to others. Its just too wonderful.
As Jesus described, if we who are capable of giving our children what they need, how much more our father in heaven would provide for our needs. Too wonderful for me.
How the stars in the sky, the planets with their moons, the comets, the black holes, the dark matter, the most powerful Quasar, and the millions of galaxies all are in perfect order as you journey to the edge of the universe, is too wonderful for me.
I love revelations, aha moments, discoveries and the feeling of purpose. Piecing together the puzzle of existence.
As I listen to a guitar or a saxophone player create and take me to a place I didn't expect, often it is too wonderful for me. It defies gravity. It is not subject to the laws of physics. It is no longer worldly.
These are spiritual moments that words can not describe. When truth comes marching in without even knocking on the door.
They are too wonderful for words for me, so I laugh. At times, uncontrollably.
A hawk in flight, a dolphin spinning through the air, the thought of the cosmic forces of good that brought my wife and I together. I can sit and contemplate and attempt to explain or understand their goodness or my fascination but I find, they are too wonderful for me and I laugh.
The way my heart flutters when my wife walks into the room, and our eyes meet is too wonderful for me. How I feel when I am in her arms and I get lost in her eyes, mesmerized. Searching for the reason that all this blessing has been poured on me, finding only endless wonder and joy. With thankfulness, I laugh.
It is too wonderful for me and I smile until I chuckle then laugh, leading to a full on belly shaking laugh out loud and finally rolling on the floor laughing with tears welling up in my eyes, because I can not contain the goodness of it. It is beyond words and the feeling so great, so unparalleled I can find no other way to describe or explain, except to say...
It is Too Wonderful...
and laugh.
---
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Ecclesiastes - My two cents - Up in smoke and out the wazoo
---
I can't remember the last time I read the book of Ecclesiastes. But I remember a couple of things about it. Written by King Solomon, son of King David and purportedly the wisest man in the world at the time, possibly ever; who went on and on stating, "meaningless, meaningless, everything under the sun is meaningless." It appears that he denied himself no pleasure and found that all gain is of no use because in the end, we're buried in the ground just like a dog.
My pessimistic dad told me, from dust we came, to dust we'll return. From a purely physical stance (and I can hear the evolutionists applauding) it is true, as Crosby, Stills and Nash sang:
We are stardust, we are golden,
We are billion year old carbon,
And we got to get ourselves back to the garden.
I remember three men coming to my door while I was in the Marine Corps, to evangelize. It was a Saturday morning and I was already having a beer, trying to quell the memories of PTSD nightmares. After their brief introduction, I told them even Solomon said it was all meaningless, to which one quickly and accurately replied that Solomon surmised that in the end it was 'the whole duty of man is to fear God and keep his commands.'
I have kept my finger on the pulse of church movements. The Simple, Organic, House, small group thing appealed to me. There are numerous people producing books on the subject. Most want a more biblical form and experience of church than what the traditional denominational system is providing.
They've come up with labels and classified each group until my head is spinning, and they all claim that their way is the right way, the more biblical way. And of course they all claim their way is what God is doing and blessing.
I was into this one and into that one (some follow Paul and some follow Apollos) and the more and more I saw, read and heard, the more I stepped back and began to see the big picture that they're headed down the same road all of religion always has. The current system they criticize grew like wild fire led by the Spirit and someone got the bright idea they needed some kind of establishment and up went the buildings and on came the big budgets, etc etc etc. yadda, yadda yadda.
Though many claim their movement is now under the control of the Holy Spirit of God and not of man as they clearly assert this being the major problem with Legacy churches. One guy went so far as to state that the reason Traditional / Legacy church growth was stagnant was because God did not want to multiply it.
Everyone doing the numbers thing; look here, we've planted this many churches, we've had this many converts, we've had this much growth. I see the same thing in the missions field with humanitarian measurements. Bombard people with favorable statistics and people love to be associated with a winner and they jump on the band wagon.
Great marketing maybe, but kingdom wise, nothing more than moving this pile over to this side of the table. I don't care how easy it is to replicate your ideal of church (where two or more are gathered). It is something that should never be measured.
I don't like the idea of networked small groups either. And let me assert this, the bible is like a person, you can beat it up long enough to make it say anything you want.
Glenn Beck is a master at using facts/statistics and then going off on a tangent to the nth level so as to get people into a frenzy and influence people towards his slant while demonizing others.
Fear, that seems to be the key. Create fear and then, And Then, AND THEN....
of course, you and your group are the one with the solution, with the way, the method, the system, the club, the product, the very thing that people need to deliver them, the save them to provide relief from the fear. The ONLY one with that very thing you need, Need, NEED!
Create the Fear, provide the Need. This is the name of the game, the standard operating procedure for those who want to control the masses.
There is no peace in the middle east. Why? because they can't stop talking about the past. Peace talks come around when we near election time and an agreement is reached and then, Then, THEN.....
one of them brings up something from the past and all of the progress is thrown right out the window and it's back to square one.
I saw a documentary on gang activity in Memphis, TN. The level of violence was more than I imagined or acknowledged. Complete tit for tat, eye for an eye, and demonstrative of man's depravity. All a struggle for Power and Control but reaping what it sows.
A wise cousin in law told me, "stop wasting your time having enemies." Great advice!
My views of God can not limit the Deity to any box. To any set of books, ideas or writings. Sure this is dangerous, but I believe that if we're truly seeking God, the creator of the universe or as the new-agers put it, the universal intelligence, then I will find when I seek and it will be the same as what someone one the opposite side of the world finds when they seek, if the response is truly from God and not from some taught-ology. There is a difference between revealed truth and taught truth.
I believe God is capable of communicating with us without any reading. I know the Bible's contents can transform lives, but I can not limit God to that. Too many interpretations.
I have an agnostic friend and an atheist friend who's conversations challenge and stretch me the most. I believe you can cherry pick the best of all belief systems and not violate or compromise your core belief.
I imagine there are those who will say I've been influenced negatively and there are those who will cheer my willingness to be open minded. I don't care what people think. I care what God thinks and believe God is capable of communicating with me directly. If God is dependent on man for anything then everything I believe is wrong.
My agnostic friend said, "show me your works, I might listen to your words." Makes complete sense to me and why I concentrate on humanitarian efforts.
I started this blog because I felt like I was ready to burst, having read a review of a book about church on a blog by a church planter and then listening to an hour of NPR dedicated to the effect Glenn Beck is having on America. Plus I haven't spewed anything in too long and have the need to vent and writing is great therapy.
I should just shut up, but I am stupid like the rest of the folks out there that have the right way of doing things down pat. I should put it all in my pipe and smoke it and blow it out my wazoo. Better that than telling others to do the same.
Love, even when rejected, remains available to us. Love is willing to come down any path to meet us. Love never fails. God is Love and in the end, all things work for the good...
of those who are called according to God's purpose.
Why do we wrestle so much with what moth and rust will destroy? I challenge you to seek and find and do it on purpose. Lay down all taught methods and just earnestly seek God. I believe you'll be surprised at what you find and others will challenge it, because they're still bound up in fear and have enemies but you'll be set free and closer than ever.
We all want to be accepted for who and what we are and this, for me, can be found in Jesus which compels me to do good to others and gives me a Hope beyond measure.
Man has always wanted to find and fill the emptiness within that nothing worldly fills. Always wanted to give thanks for existence on this incredible gift. But man seems to want to harness this supernatural presence and unfortunately, it is apparent this is where the contamination begins.
A very very wise man once said to another, "you hear the wind blow, yet you do not know where it comes from or where it goes, so it is with the Spirit."
A great friend told me, "none of us have a clue, but we can love God and we can love people!"
There are two in the church arena whom I respect tremendously, because they walk their talk, the success follows and they Never criticized anyone. (follow me as I follow Jesus)
Oh God, if we could all be like the healed man brought in for questioning who responds, "I don't know if this man Jesus is a sinner or a saint, all I know is I was blind and now I see!"
Gently the Beatles sing us out of here with the lyric - "and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."
I can't remember the last time I read the book of Ecclesiastes. But I remember a couple of things about it. Written by King Solomon, son of King David and purportedly the wisest man in the world at the time, possibly ever; who went on and on stating, "meaningless, meaningless, everything under the sun is meaningless." It appears that he denied himself no pleasure and found that all gain is of no use because in the end, we're buried in the ground just like a dog.
My pessimistic dad told me, from dust we came, to dust we'll return. From a purely physical stance (and I can hear the evolutionists applauding) it is true, as Crosby, Stills and Nash sang:
We are stardust, we are golden,
We are billion year old carbon,
And we got to get ourselves back to the garden.
I remember three men coming to my door while I was in the Marine Corps, to evangelize. It was a Saturday morning and I was already having a beer, trying to quell the memories of PTSD nightmares. After their brief introduction, I told them even Solomon said it was all meaningless, to which one quickly and accurately replied that Solomon surmised that in the end it was 'the whole duty of man is to fear God and keep his commands.'
I have kept my finger on the pulse of church movements. The Simple, Organic, House, small group thing appealed to me. There are numerous people producing books on the subject. Most want a more biblical form and experience of church than what the traditional denominational system is providing.
They've come up with labels and classified each group until my head is spinning, and they all claim that their way is the right way, the more biblical way. And of course they all claim their way is what God is doing and blessing.
I was into this one and into that one (some follow Paul and some follow Apollos) and the more and more I saw, read and heard, the more I stepped back and began to see the big picture that they're headed down the same road all of religion always has. The current system they criticize grew like wild fire led by the Spirit and someone got the bright idea they needed some kind of establishment and up went the buildings and on came the big budgets, etc etc etc. yadda, yadda yadda.
Though many claim their movement is now under the control of the Holy Spirit of God and not of man as they clearly assert this being the major problem with Legacy churches. One guy went so far as to state that the reason Traditional / Legacy church growth was stagnant was because God did not want to multiply it.
Everyone doing the numbers thing; look here, we've planted this many churches, we've had this many converts, we've had this much growth. I see the same thing in the missions field with humanitarian measurements. Bombard people with favorable statistics and people love to be associated with a winner and they jump on the band wagon.
Great marketing maybe, but kingdom wise, nothing more than moving this pile over to this side of the table. I don't care how easy it is to replicate your ideal of church (where two or more are gathered). It is something that should never be measured.
I don't like the idea of networked small groups either. And let me assert this, the bible is like a person, you can beat it up long enough to make it say anything you want.
Glenn Beck is a master at using facts/statistics and then going off on a tangent to the nth level so as to get people into a frenzy and influence people towards his slant while demonizing others.
Fear, that seems to be the key. Create fear and then, And Then, AND THEN....
of course, you and your group are the one with the solution, with the way, the method, the system, the club, the product, the very thing that people need to deliver them, the save them to provide relief from the fear. The ONLY one with that very thing you need, Need, NEED!
Create the Fear, provide the Need. This is the name of the game, the standard operating procedure for those who want to control the masses.
There is no peace in the middle east. Why? because they can't stop talking about the past. Peace talks come around when we near election time and an agreement is reached and then, Then, THEN.....
one of them brings up something from the past and all of the progress is thrown right out the window and it's back to square one.
I saw a documentary on gang activity in Memphis, TN. The level of violence was more than I imagined or acknowledged. Complete tit for tat, eye for an eye, and demonstrative of man's depravity. All a struggle for Power and Control but reaping what it sows.
A wise cousin in law told me, "stop wasting your time having enemies." Great advice!
My views of God can not limit the Deity to any box. To any set of books, ideas or writings. Sure this is dangerous, but I believe that if we're truly seeking God, the creator of the universe or as the new-agers put it, the universal intelligence, then I will find when I seek and it will be the same as what someone one the opposite side of the world finds when they seek, if the response is truly from God and not from some taught-ology. There is a difference between revealed truth and taught truth.
I believe God is capable of communicating with us without any reading. I know the Bible's contents can transform lives, but I can not limit God to that. Too many interpretations.
I have an agnostic friend and an atheist friend who's conversations challenge and stretch me the most. I believe you can cherry pick the best of all belief systems and not violate or compromise your core belief.
I imagine there are those who will say I've been influenced negatively and there are those who will cheer my willingness to be open minded. I don't care what people think. I care what God thinks and believe God is capable of communicating with me directly. If God is dependent on man for anything then everything I believe is wrong.
My agnostic friend said, "show me your works, I might listen to your words." Makes complete sense to me and why I concentrate on humanitarian efforts.
I started this blog because I felt like I was ready to burst, having read a review of a book about church on a blog by a church planter and then listening to an hour of NPR dedicated to the effect Glenn Beck is having on America. Plus I haven't spewed anything in too long and have the need to vent and writing is great therapy.
I should just shut up, but I am stupid like the rest of the folks out there that have the right way of doing things down pat. I should put it all in my pipe and smoke it and blow it out my wazoo. Better that than telling others to do the same.
Love, even when rejected, remains available to us. Love is willing to come down any path to meet us. Love never fails. God is Love and in the end, all things work for the good...
of those who are called according to God's purpose.
Why do we wrestle so much with what moth and rust will destroy? I challenge you to seek and find and do it on purpose. Lay down all taught methods and just earnestly seek God. I believe you'll be surprised at what you find and others will challenge it, because they're still bound up in fear and have enemies but you'll be set free and closer than ever.
We all want to be accepted for who and what we are and this, for me, can be found in Jesus which compels me to do good to others and gives me a Hope beyond measure.
Man has always wanted to find and fill the emptiness within that nothing worldly fills. Always wanted to give thanks for existence on this incredible gift. But man seems to want to harness this supernatural presence and unfortunately, it is apparent this is where the contamination begins.
A very very wise man once said to another, "you hear the wind blow, yet you do not know where it comes from or where it goes, so it is with the Spirit."
A great friend told me, "none of us have a clue, but we can love God and we can love people!"
There are two in the church arena whom I respect tremendously, because they walk their talk, the success follows and they Never criticized anyone. (follow me as I follow Jesus)
Oh God, if we could all be like the healed man brought in for questioning who responds, "I don't know if this man Jesus is a sinner or a saint, all I know is I was blind and now I see!"
Gently the Beatles sing us out of here with the lyric - "and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make."
Sunday, May 2, 2010
3 up headed down the 72nd - Secure the Victory!
-
Golf tournaments consist of four rounds of 18 holes each, beginning on Thursday and finishing on Sunday evening. Every stroke counts. Every great shot, and every average shot and every not so good shot counts towards that final score on Sunday.
You can go out and shoot over par for the first two rounds and IF you make the cut and get to play on the weekend, you can turn it all around and tear the course up for the third and final rounds.
Players tend to be aggressive early on. Hitting at every pin and putting extra umph in each tee shot to get it further down the fairway, leaving a shorter approach shot to the green. Unfortunately, the potential for disaster is there when that extra is put into a shot, rather than the smooth normal swing that has consistently shown desirable results.
We tend to want MORE THAN ENOUGH from so many facets in our life. I remember contemplating the purpose of life, and wondered when was enough enough? When do we reach the point when quantity loses to quality. When do we stop having to accomplish more and more? Make more money, get more things, tack on more titles to our name?
Some of us never get to the place of peace that surpasses all understanding. Learning to happy whether with or without material blessing. Some of us never stop thirsting for more. And as I see it, dying frustrated while reaching for another goal.
Mind you I'm not against aiming for the stars.
But if you watch a golf tournament and a player is ahead by three strokes and headed down the final hole, trust me on this one, they'll hit less than a driver and just smooth one down the fairway in a safe manner. They're on cruise control headed for the finish line. Their blood is pumping and the enrgy is high, but their minds take over and reign in the excitement to go Go GO!
Then they'll hit their approach shot to the final hole, conservatively toward the center of the green. It doesn't matter where the pin is, front right, back left or back center. You aim for the middle of the green.
You exhale when it lands safe. Walk up to the green to throngs of cheers, tip your hat, mark your ball and allow your fellow player to hole out and again you conservatively snuggle a putt up close and then tap in for the win.
Not a very exciting way to finish, but your name goes on the trophy to be remembered for ever in the sport's history books and you get the biggest check and the many other benefits of a tour win follow your career for ever.
My life was certainly controlled by Mr More. "I want more than enough," I'd slur at a bartender who asked me if I'd had enough and wanted to discourage me from getting uglier and more stupid.
A near death experience of being shot in the back of the head at point blank range changed my rhythm forever and all that followed has been blessing. Restored relationships, repaired finances, mental & physical health. Finally climbing out from under a funk to let the Son shine in my face and make mature decisions.
Good attracts good and when it rains it pours. More than I can ask or imagine, my wife is beyond compliment and adoration. She was an Angel flying too close to the ground that GOD has allowed me to help heal. In fact when new encounter's ask me the perpetual imminent question, "what do you do?" I respond with, "spoil my wife!"
Yesterday we were seated on our front porch just enjoying the close of a wonderful Saturday. I watched a couple of swallows / sweeps, flying about for an evening meal. Their world is more multi-dimensional than ours. Every direction is available at will and with little limitation.
I've often desired that realm. That freedom. I can feel complete freedom at 120 miles per hour headed for the earth from fifteen thousand feet, jumping out of a perfectly good running aircraft.
As we sat there yesterday, I spoke aloud that I was going to go ahead and get certified in sky diving. I wanted to be able to jump on my own and do some stunts, rolling around limitless... if even for a short period. The go up and do it again and again.
Anita just looked at me. She didn't say a thing. I asked if she objected, to which she responded, if that is what you want to do, then go for it!" But I felt there was something else in her eyes. I didn't pursue it.
Today as I watched the final round of the golf tournament at Quail Hollow in Charlotte, NC., as fellow Irishman Rory McIlroy, went through the process of "Securing the Victory, hitting conservative shots to the green and now accepting the winners trophy & check, I realize that I'm on on that 18th tee and it's time to reign it in and control the excitement.
I'll not go jump out of a bunch of airplanes and take unnecessary chances on my life which violate my life insurance policy.
I AM a thrill seeker folks. And with Anita in my life, blessings too numerous to fathom, I am more than thrilled and in the best place I've ever been! I've been given many second chances and I made the cut by one stroke. I want to make a lot more cuts and play on a lot more weekends. I'm aiming for the center of the fairways and greens from here on out.
As the lady in the pulpit said today, "all the glory to GOD!"
Amen ~ So be it!
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