Realization

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Real Eyes
Realize
Real Lies.

That moment when.... (you complete the sentence)

I've been feeling very emotional lately. Hey I am a very emotional guy as it is, but the threshold for tears has been lowered. I fight it, I suppress it, I numb it, I try to avoid it. Yet it's unavoidable. It's inevitable. I must cry. And sooner or later...

I must sob... uncontrollably.

Because I have tried to control.

I'm watching Oprah's recent interview with Elie Wiesel, who if you're not familiar is an Auschwitz survivor from WWII.  He is a Nobel Peace Price recipient and the author of numerous books, most notably "Night" and recently, post open heart surgery, "Open Heart."

Oprah and Elie's conversation brought up something from the book "Night" that I remember and it's hit me deep.  In the book Elie described a moment with his father and a piece of bread. Elie's father wanted Elie to have the bread.

I mean imagine, you're literally starving and you want someone else to eat the only thing available.

That's Sacrifice...

That's Love.

The Kiss that Changed Everything!

We met online through match.com. My profile stated that I wasn't broke and didn't need fixed. She shot me a line about my upcoming trip to Africa. I responded. She said she'd been and wrote a book about it. I Paypal'd some money and got the book. I couldn't put it down. I had so many questions. She was busy going here and there with duties as a teacher and assisting on a youth mission. We chatted online when we could. This wasn't enough, I HAD to meet her!

I drove two hours and when I arrived, she said, "haven't I seen you somewhere before," with a big smile. I replied, "yeah, I'm the one you were thinking of when you were a little kid having tea parties with your idea of the ultimate man," with an equally big smile.

We had lunch, talked and watched a DVD. I was attracted, I was hoping she was too. Time flew, it was time to head home. We stopped in her kitchen...

I had led a life of reaction and go with the flow. Rarely was I making decisions that made any sense or led to where I wanted to be. I was headed in as many directions as the wind flows, trying to find my way. Trying to find what I believed existed. It was a struggle and it wasn't working. Decades later, here I am, surrendering to the idea that my way hasn't worked and still believing that the ultimate exists. But left to me, I'll screw it up. 

I gave her a hug and hoped but was afraid she wanted a kiss. She was receptive. I didn't want to mess this up...

Our lips met, then tongue, softly, tenderly.

I felt it from my head to my toes. I stirred... deep within.

I pulled away. She looked up at me with blue eyes, then laid her head upon my chest...

My heart swelled, I could hardly swallow, my eyes were misting. I had to go.

All the way home inside my head was an argument. I hadn't planned on this, what is happening? No, I'm not ready, this is not what I anticipated, what I expected.

The next day I called her. I talked for two hours while she listened. I had to lay it all on the line. We proceeded from a distance, with weekend interludes.

People warned of red flags, too much too fast, his past, your kids...

I proposed 2.5 months after meeting... she accepted.

In the first 8 months, we got engaged, formed a ministry and published a book together.

We went to Hawaii and got married. We continued the weekend thing for another two years.

Four years total we did the weekend thing, sharing turns for the 98 mile trek.

We went on three African missions, three Caribbean cruises and sold my house to buy a bigger one to finally combine households.

We rehabbed that 85 yr old home into our first nest. Love was nurtured and it took root and blossomed!

She believed, I told the truth and it happened. A windfall. We moved to our dream home on the lake of my best memories. The lake where I proposed. Where we formed Waters Edge Ministries.

Now we live and love and invite you to come, relax, restore...

at the Waters Edge.

Peace ~


DLWS

Critical Thinking

I've seen that term thrown around before, mostly in debates where it was asserted that groups I affiliated with had a lack of it. I didn't really grasp it... until now. Not just logical thinking, but approaching things from the perspective of being wrong and proving something right with verifiable evidence.

I had an exchange with a friend. I respect the guy and politically, we're polar opposite. I support Obama and he supports Romney. Interestingly we both admitted to not trusting the other side. I'm sure we both have plenty of ammunition provided by the smear campaigns from both sides, but we carried on a conversation in a civil manner and didn't offend each other.  He let me know he'd had enough, by asking what was for dinner?  Of course I had to spout off a few more points then respond, "Pork Chops," then I could give it a rest and go cut the grass. ;o)

While cutting the grass, of course my mind would not slow down about the exchange. It's when that mower engine is roaring and the music in my headphones is blasting, that I can think the best. Clarity comes to me... I GOT IT!

While my friend, who is Catholic, is abhorred at the idea of contributing to a government that pays for stuff like abortions and condoms and admires the church  for it's charitable work and Romney for his charitable donations, he also abhors the government for being too charitable towards the poor.

Well, this is where critical thinking jumps out and grabs you and says "HEY, that makes no sense." AND it showed me that leaders of churches and Federally elected folks both take your money, pay their salary and give it to others. What a great job to have!!  You pay, I play and take credit for helping others while you go home and feel good about giving. What a racket (a systematised element of organized crime;)

The government even gives you a tax deduction for giving to the charity/ place of worship of your choice AND makes those (businesses) places tax exempt! (we won't go into how they violate that by stumping for right wing conservative ideals and try to enact legislation with their religious beliefs while denying others similar rights, thereby nullifying the constitutional equality of all humans. And lets not mention aiding and abetting priests who molest children either....shhh, it'd be bad publicity - isn't that right, Boy Scouts of America?)

Providing abortions and condoms to those you just hate to help should be something you jump at the chance to do. Since the use of critical thinking shows us that it's a statistical fact that the poor reproduce more than the middle class and upper crust weathy-ites.  But then that would be a moral dilemma, due to religious beliefs. (there's that ideal that they just gotta rule the rest of the world with again... grrr.)

I have my religious/spiritual beliefs and I am realizing (critically thinking - this is healthy stuff, try it sometime!) that it wasn't until I got saved and bought into the atonement theology, (that'd be where you accept the idea that you were born a filthy nasty sinful mess and bound for Hell to burn for eternity, unless and until you accepted Jesus as your Savior who Atoned for your sinfulness, then everything is okay. Kinda like in the south where so long as you say "bless his/her/their heart," everything said afterwards about the person is okay and forgiven.)  that I became homophobic, condemning and well, feeling mighty righteous about myself. Prior to that I was just another guy working to make ends meet and willing to help some along the way

Things are changing and too rapidly for many folks on the conservative side of things. One of the things I like about Obama is during his first campaign he said the old way of thinking isn't working any more. And as far as I'm concerned he was and is right!

We got into a mess with the "old way."  It's time to think a new way. It's time to stop oppressing women. This is a major portion of society that can contribute far more than it's been able to. It's time to make health care affordable for everyone. It is an atrocity for anyone to go bankrupt because of health related bills in this modern day. (Medical problems caused 62% of all personal bankruptcies filed in the U.S. in 2007, according to a study by Harvard researchers. And in a finding that surprised even the researchers, 78% of those filers had medical insurance at the start of their illness, including 60.3% who had private coverage, not Medicare or Medicaid. http://www.businessweek.com/bwdaily/dnflash/content/jun2009/db2009064_666715.htm)

It is a known fact that incarceration doesn't work to the end it is supposed to. It does not rehabilitate or improve society. And again, in this modern age...

• The US incarcerates the largest number of people in the world.
• The incarceration rate in the US is four times the world average.
• Some individual US states imprison up to six times as many people as do
• nations of comparable population.
• The US imprisons the most women in the world.
• Crime rates do not account for incarceration rates.
• http://www.nccdglobal.org/sites/default/files/publication_pdf/factsheet-us-incarceration.pdf 

This old way of thinking is NOT WORKING! It's time to embrace the idea that you're WRONG!

That was the healthiest thing I ever did and the blinders fell from my eyes. 

This happened to Paul on the road to Damascus. He was against "The Way" as they called the movement of those who followed Jesus and his socialistic thinking. Then he saw the light (hah - literally according to the scriptures) and changed his ways. He was "transformed by the renewing of his mind." The rest of his story is certainly a struggle with his love for the Jews and his calling to the Gentiles (non-Jews). I'm sad to say that much of what we know as the Christian Church today subscribes to Paul and misses the ideals of Jesus who only had harsh words for the system and those who oppress and hung out with those we find despicable like the LGBT community, the drug users and the people with AIDS.

I got rid of the old way of thinking... Paul said it, "when I was a child I thought as a child."  I was a war mongering right wing conservative who felt completely sold down the drain and deceived by the Bush administration. (which I'd say was the Cheney administration.. see the movie "wag the dog".) Everything has moved so far right that Obama is more like Reagan that the GOP is currently.

It is blatantly wrong to increase military spending and cut education spending. my friend even said educating the poor was futile. This grieves me. I hope he doesn't really believe this in his heart of hearts. I hope that the contributions by minorities in this country are brought forward and presented in educational settings so that future generations stop with this superior mentality and continue to oppress the minorities. One day it's going to flip flop and as the good book tells them, the first will be last and the last will be first! (Selah)  

Do people have a sense of entitlement in this country? You betcha. Is it going to get worse before it gets better? You betcha. Is there a god who gives a damn? Maybe. But there is a mind within you with all the answers and ability and compassion that  people like Jesus along the way have tried to wake us up to our nature and point us in a better direction.

I don't believe President Obama has all the answers or is the answer, (don't get me started about why we don't have the Independent and Green parties represented in debates and elections) but I believe he is the best choice in consideration of where we are and how we got here. Out thinking must change BEFORE we find a way out of this mess. Since critical thinking shows us that actions follow beliefs.

Peace~

DLWS

Season, Journey, Dreams, Awakenings, Life

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I've been through a lot in my life. I have learned more about me and my perspective has changed more within the last 7 years than ever before.

Even more so in the past two years. It's been quite a roller coaster ride since I began to question everything I believed. And I think that takes more courage than changing your outlook and life style when you have epiphanies. When your paradigm shifts. When you awaken to a new truth.

When these things find you along the journey, they're like friends you've made in places you've lived or visited. They're for a reason, a season or a life time. The tough part is embracing your doubts and fears. Putting down your exclamation points and giving attention to your questions.

What if I'm wrong?  Why am I so judgmental when it's all supposed to be about Love? Why do I feel like it's us and them, when it's supposed to be about unity?

I have learned about myself and the influences on our thoughts, due to our geographical location. We are all influenced by various things like family, where we're shaped by the belief systems of our parents. By our culture, our societal values of right and wrong and what we'll encounter as punishment if we fail to adhere.  Some things we adopt out of fear, some out pressure to fit in, and many because we go with the flow. We aren't taught to be free thinkers.

Ideals are presented to us as facts and Truth and we incorporate them. Yet we are aware that people in other regions do not subscribe to similar beliefs. So our truth is THE truth and the rest are... well, they're just going to Hell I guess. How sad. How mean and cruel and unjust.

Bubba Watson won the Master's Golf Tournament, one of the greatest events in the sport and in the post win interview, Bubba was asked, "is this a dream come true?" To which he responded, "the dream never got this big."

I have a good friend that came from very humble and poor beginnings in Sri Lanka, where they're not even considered to be human beings by those in a neighboring country, who just received his Doctorate degree from the University of South Carolina. I asked him, "was this the goal you had in mind?" He said, "I just kept taking the next step. I never had a doctorate degree in mind."

For Bubba, golf was his passion and way to a better life. For my friend, education was his way. I remember wanting to achieve the best score I could on the physical fitness tests in the Marine Corps. Part of it was for running three miles. I'd have a time objective to achieve to attain the score I desired. I'd run and my mind would tell me, 'oh, it's so far and already your legs hurt, you better slow down and pace your self." Any time I looked at the half way point or the end, I'd wind up slowing myself down. But when I just looked down at my feet hitting the pavement in front of me and concentrated on getting my breathing in sync with my cadence, I'd reach the finish line in a shorter time. I'd lose track of where I was and how much farther it was to get to the end and I actually would run the last mile faster than the previous two.

Where I am is exactly were I had dreamed of being. I am making what I dreamed would be sufficient and living at exactly the lake of my fondest childhood memories. I am married to the woman who was meant for me. Who is magically perfect for me. Who I believe to be divinely intended for me.

I dreamed all of this and when I am still, it dawns on me, "I'm here. I have arrived."

Depending on your perspective this is great and sad.  Some have told us that we are reaping what we have sown. Karma has come around to reward us. It has been a long winding road of a journey for me and since I met Anita it has been a continual process of pretty intense growth. Spiritually, emotionally, financially and maturity. Recently for the first time in my life, learning about boundaries, healthy boundaries. I grew up with none which is why I reaped from a life of fearless and reckless abandon.

I remember in 1982, I contemplated many things about life. I wondered about the drive to succeed ad achieve. When was enough enough? Wouldn't you just die trying to achieve the next thing and therefor die unfulfilled? I understand setting goals and striving for more, to be better etc. but again, when is it enough?

Where I am is enough. Does it mean I stop growing? Actually it has allowed me and Anita to both be in a place where we can get quiet, contemplate and allow growth to occur. No more keeping up with the hustle and bustle of life juggling family and career.

It's another season. We are not on the mission field, but more in our own field, within searching and finding and revealing and learning and growing and for me, for the first time in my life, feeling Whole.

I can't be in a box or put God in one. I don't care what name you put on it, I believe there is a spiritual component to our lives and in seeking that, we seek the same thing. No matter what your culture deems it's name to be. Love is love and it breeds compassion within us to feel an inseparable part of everything that exists. And everything is a result of that evolutionary pulse in the beginning when all was created and permeated by God who is all and in all and through all. We are created in the image of Love and everything is within each of us.

We are eternal. Where do we go when this body stops functioning? Well, look at your living room. Where does the space go when the walls are torn down? The space remains. It was there before the walls and it will remain when the walls are long gone.

We are eternal.


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More than anything

---

More than anything, this is at the essence of what I want to convey about my journey.

It is written, drink of this water you will never thirst again....

Yet I find that similar to the things of this world, you have to keep going back to them to maintain some level of satisfaction. You have to keep going back to drink that eternal water. you have to keep hiding behind the bible, drenching yourself, convincing your self, bolstering the WORD!

I'm so sick of conversations containing, "the Bible says.. The Word of God says.."


Peace, and joy and contentment, satisfaction, these things come from within. I challenge people to seek God outside of any writing or any other persons teaching or opinion. Develop your own perception through nothing more, nothing less than direct contact with this omnipresent being. Surely it is fully capable of revealing itself to you as it did to those who wrote what you depend so heavily upon now.

You don't need that crutch any more. Grow and mature and meet God one on one, no other medium or influence. You'll be out in the desert. You'll unlearn what you've been taught. You will find when you seek with all your heart.

And what you find will be authentic. I believe that is what we all want. To find and be authentic in all we do.

Selah

• • 
    

The Long and Winding Road of Goop

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I write today for various reasons, primarily to help others understand the evolution of me. Seems some of my friends are confused as to what I believe... in. "Welcome back my friends, to the show that never ends. I'm so glad you could attend, come inside, come inside!" A great lyric from ELP that about sums up this post.

( if you care to listen - http://youtu.be/C_zo0FiNheI )

I understand the confusion, and I am not what I was... and glad I'm not.

To say I've had a falling out with the Church is an understatement. I am in fact ashamed of the beliefs and practices I was taught and believed in my heart.  The exclusivity and judging condemnation of all others unlike Christians has left a bad taste in my mouth. Have you ever forwarded an email that slammed gays or agreed to boycott a product or company because it uses Ellen DeGeneres or advertises in a known gay publication? Do you refuse to watch certain shows like Glee because they have a gay agenda? Do you slam Obama because he is black? Do you dislike Oprah and accuse her of being "New Age?"

Ya know, Bill Gates is an Atheist and yet does more to help others than we could hope to, through his foundation, seeking to eradicate malaria, for one thing among many.


Who does the work of the Father, the son who says he will but does not or the one who says he will not but does?

But I don't want the focus of this blog post to be about bashing the Church. I've seen quite an exodus from the institutional congregational type church into home gatherings etc, which reproduce similar circumstance in a different venue and some gather with no agenda and allow the Spirit to move.  That's getting closer.

Let me clearly iterate that I want a closer relationship with God. How ever, what I perceive God to be may not be what you have been taught/perceive.  It's certainly not what I once thought, but it is all about the personal relationship, is it not?  I can not assign a gender to God.  I can not assign any human anatomical characteristics to God.  I see God as the creation and I celebrate and embrace it.

I find this to be biblical... "God is all and in all and through all..."

"We are stardust, we are golden..." - Joni Mitchell.

Similar to someone I discovered online, David Hayward, aka, The Naked Pastor, I have picked up my questions and moved on.  I am not afraid to embrace my seasons of doubt.  I am not afraid to question everything I ever believed.  I am not afraid to explore other belief systems. Being in the wilderness is scary and exhilarating. If God is as big as you imagine, then surely God can handle me and my searching.

I just spent a couple weeks with my Mama who has a broken back... compressed disc in lower back that is pinching her sciatica nerve.  Pain management and physical therapy on about a two month to recovery, she is just embarking on.  I waited on her hand and foot and dealt with the insults she hurled at everything in sight and thought.  I felt very alone.  I was honored to be her care taker but having a horrific time.  I wanted to reach out and lean on something, like I once did with God, but felt hypocritical when even thinking about praying.  I had to endure this on my own. I was in the desert and no one could hear my screams, so I kept breathing and I pressed on. One day at a time, one hour if need be.

The 2nd week a routine started to emerge and Mama was accepting her plight and learning to consider her back before twisting to get something.  The digression stopped and progress was being established.  One of her other sons came to relieve me and I believe Mama will be okay on her own soon.

I was searching for one of our cats the other day and wanted to pray when I felt frantic coming on... not on my watch does something get hurt. I don't neglect things. I am hyper vigilant in this way, just ask my wife. Again I felt the hypocrisy when I wanted to pray.

I believe when we pray, we pray to our selves any way.  And I mean the God that is in us.  In all and through all, remember?  I see creation as the big bang being God exploding itself, and permeating everything that came into existence after that. And everything that exists today is what has evolved over billions of years.

A crowd of people can all pray at the same time out loud or silently, and God hear each one, because they are praying to the concept of God within each of them.

I watched a sunset last night.  The clouds, the colors and textures and I thought about this globe we're on, spinning and orbiting our sun. Traveling through space, while billions of other objects are doing the same.  All doing what they do as a result of that big bang and the forces that act upon them as a result.  New stars being born and old ones dying.  Genesis has never ceased.

What is fascinates me. Amazes me. Awes me. I am a part of all of it. An inseperable part.

Everything is perception. It's all goop between the ears. You perceive God as the old man with a white beard sitting on a throne in heaven with Jesus at his right hand.  Hindus perceive God as 300,000 different spirits. Muslims see God as Allah, Pagans see God as Mother Earth, etc... and they're all right.  God is what you perceive God to be and that is perfectly okay and no one should be judged or condemned for it.

No one is bound for hell, which is purely a new testament Christian ideal.  Heaven and Hell are in my estimation, more figurative concepts than physical places.  They like everything else are in your mind.

Now, I could be wrong.  We could all  be wrong.  What we have is a hope, nothing more nothing less.  Only a hope that is clinged to that what we believe, what our faith is in, the ideal of a better place, is just hope.

We've been in the water purification ministry which do through a humanitarian approach and I have had some others in the similar ministries, say whats the use in giving them healthier water to drink if they're headed for hell ultimately.

Ghandi says, for some, a sandwich is the only God they're going to see.  JJ Heller sings, "it's the little things that make a difference, it's the little things that show love, it's the little things, a simple cup of water that will save our sons and daughters."

My good friend Jacq says, "most of us haven't got a clue, but we can love and serve."

I assert that the more I get to know me, the more I get to know God. And the one thing I am good at is showing that love to first my wife, then my mother and son and others.

Loving ones enemy, that is a tough one and with meditation we can get to a place to see their pain and damage and understand it. It doesn't mean we have to pal around with them.  This is how I am with my brothers.  It's best we just stay away and do not communicate.  All trust is long since violated and irretrievable.

I'm about to go rescue my grandson from my drug addicted son. I used to wonder why the chain was not broken of passing on that cycle when I surrendered my life to Jesus.

Be sure to get this loud and clear - I am not able to say there is no God at this point and I will always say that JESUS has been the most significant difference for good in my life.

But my son and all of us have a journey and we have to make it, no matter how much we want to protect those we love. However, my grandson has had zero choice in this debacle, and I have often done an autopsy on my past and wished somewhere along the way that someone had been my champion.  Had taken an interest in a child in a hopeless situation that he didn't choose.

We are more the determiner of our destination than any other.  We are the only ones that can fix us.  We have to be responsible, become our own best friends and understand fully, that I we are unable to care for anyone else if we have not taken care of ourselves first and foremost.

God is us. God is Love. If you demonstrate Love, you demonstrate God.  If you demonstrate no goodness, don't claim "the devil made me do it," like Flip Wilson used to. You are what makes the world better or worse.  Start with the person in the mirror and be the change you want to see.

A fool may appear wise when silent, but they're still a fool and silence is agreement.

I am a better me than anything else in the multi-verse and I like me and I'm not alone in that sentiment.

I don't believe the bible is the complete and inerrant word of God.  I believe it is a lot of opinions of a lot of men and very very judgmental and condemning and more figurative than literal.

It is useful and through it, the Spirit can transform any willing life.

To claim that anyone or institution of belief system is true and correct and that others are incorrect and hell bound is offensive, absurd, illogical and not sane.

This is what I believe and you can trust this to the point of going to the bank with it. I am a blessed man.  Happy and always always willing to make mistakes, grow and learn and share and embrace all ideals.

God... existence is more than I can ask or imagine.

Your experiences prove nothing to me. I do not believe ibn some things because I have never experienced them and irregardless of the irrefutability of your experiences to you, the doubting Thomas in me... ( did you catch that figurative message there? Not literal, but figurative, much like Greek mythology, or Chinese proverbs or any other sage's advice) does not acknowledge it.

We have experiences and we put a name on the,.  We attribute them to something and that name is most dependent upon the prevalent belief system in the geographical region in which you reside.

I was shot in the head and praised God/Jesus for surviving.  Had I been born and had a similar circumstance in Iran, I would have labeled my good fortune as the workings of Allah and be singing it's praises.

If you're capable, give this some deep thought, "we act more out of our damage, than from God/deliverance." I have a friend who is incredibly humorous. He developed as a defense mechanism from growing up as "the fat kid."

I'm generous, because I grew up with stingy people.

Drop the dear, drop the emotional roller coaster and get real and do as Dolly Parton says, "find your self and do it on purpose."

Know thyself.  Probably the most profound words anyone can ever hear and embrace.

The idea of a need for a savior is only embraceable is there is something to fear and we're taught too much fear and guilt and shame.

No matter what you CHOOSE to attribute your good or bad fortune to, it never changes what actually happned or happens.

Unless and until..


"Give me my freedom for as long as I be. 
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me. 
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me, 
and all I ask of dying is to go naturally, only want to go naturally. 
Don't want to go by the devil, don't want to go by the demon, 
don't want to go by Satan, don't want to die uneasy, 
just let me go naturally. 
And when I die and when I'm gone, 
there'll be one child born, there'll be one child born in this world..

to carry on."
I've learned that if I just keep breathing, what ever I am facing will pass. I will survive and all things, including me, will pass and the wheel in the sky keeps on turning!

Live and let live. Let me believe as I do and evolve as I will and try to walk a mile in my shoes. Believe as you will and do as you feel appropriate. Wish me well, understand, pray for my soul, judge and condemn me... live fearlessly and work out your own belief/salvation.

Nuff said....

until later ;o)

Living Out Loud -

David Lee Waters