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I write today for various reasons, primarily to help others understand the evolution of me. Seems some of my friends are confused as to what I believe... in.
"Welcome back my friends, to the show that never ends. I'm so glad you could attend, come inside, come inside!" A great lyric from ELP that about sums up this post.
( if you care to listen - http://youtu.be/C_zo0FiNheI )
I understand the confusion, and I am not what I was... and glad I'm not.
To say I've had a falling out with the Church is an understatement. I am in fact ashamed of the beliefs and practices I was taught and believed in my heart. The exclusivity and judging condemnation of all others unlike Christians has left a bad taste in my mouth. Have you ever forwarded an email that slammed gays or agreed to boycott a product or company because it uses Ellen DeGeneres or advertises in a known gay publication? Do you refuse to watch certain shows like Glee because they have a gay agenda? Do you slam Obama because he is black? Do you dislike Oprah and accuse her of being "New Age?"
Ya know, Bill Gates is an Atheist and yet does more to help others than we could hope to, through his foundation, seeking to eradicate malaria, for one thing among many.
Who does the work of the Father, the son who says he will but does not or the one who says he will not but does?
But I don't want the focus of this blog post to be about bashing the Church. I've seen quite an exodus from the institutional congregational type church into home gatherings etc, which reproduce similar circumstance in a different venue and some gather with no agenda and allow the Spirit to move. That's getting closer.
Let me clearly iterate that I want a closer relationship with God. How ever, what I perceive God to be may not be what you have been taught/perceive. It's certainly not what I once thought, but it is all about the personal relationship, is it not? I can not assign a gender to God. I can not assign any human anatomical characteristics to God. I see God as the creation and I celebrate and embrace it.
I find this to be biblical...
"God is all and in all and through all..."
"We are stardust, we are golden..." - Joni Mitchell.
Similar to someone I discovered online,
David Hayward, aka,
The Naked Pastor, I have picked up my questions and moved on. I am not afraid to embrace my seasons of doubt. I am not afraid to question everything I ever believed. I am not afraid to explore other belief systems. Being in the wilderness is scary and exhilarating. If God is as big as you imagine, then surely God can handle me and my searching.
I just spent a couple weeks with my Mama who has a broken back... compressed disc in lower back that is pinching her sciatica nerve. Pain management and physical therapy on about a two month to recovery, she is just embarking on. I waited on her hand and foot and dealt with the insults she hurled at everything in sight and thought. I felt very alone. I was honored to be her care taker but having a horrific time. I wanted to reach out and lean on something, like I once did with God, but felt hypocritical when even thinking about praying. I had to endure this on my own. I was in the desert and no one could hear my screams, so I kept breathing and I pressed on. One day at a time, one hour if need be.
The 2nd week a routine started to emerge and Mama was accepting her plight and learning to consider her back before twisting to get something. The digression stopped and progress was being established. One of her other sons came to relieve me and I believe Mama will be okay on her own soon.
I was searching for one of our cats the other day and wanted to pray when I felt frantic coming on... not on my watch does something get hurt. I don't neglect things. I am hyper vigilant in this way, just ask my wife. Again I felt the hypocrisy when I wanted to pray.
I believe when we pray, we pray to our selves any way. And I mean the God that is in us. In all and through all, remember? I see creation as the big bang being God exploding itself, and permeating everything that came into existence after that. And everything that exists today is what has evolved over billions of years.
A crowd of people can all pray at the same time out loud or silently, and God hear each one, because they are praying to the concept of God within each of them.
I watched a sunset last night. The clouds, the colors and textures and I thought about this globe we're on, spinning and orbiting our sun. Traveling through space, while billions of other objects are doing the same. All doing what they do as a result of that big bang and the forces that act upon them as a result. New stars being born and old ones dying. Genesis has never ceased.
What is fascinates me. Amazes me. Awes me. I am a part of all of it. An inseperable part.
Everything is perception. It's all goop between the ears. You perceive God as the old man with a white beard sitting on a throne in heaven with Jesus at his right hand. Hindus perceive God as 300,000 different spirits. Muslims see God as Allah, Pagans see God as Mother Earth, etc... and they're all right. God is what you perceive God to be and that is perfectly okay and no one should be judged or condemned for it.
No one is bound for hell, which is purely a new testament Christian ideal. Heaven and Hell are in my estimation, more figurative concepts than physical places. They like everything else are in your mind.
Now, I could be wrong. We could all be wrong. What we have is a hope, nothing more nothing less. Only a hope that is clinged to that what we believe, what our faith is in, the ideal of a better place, is just hope.
We've been in the water purification ministry which do through a humanitarian approach and I have had some others in the similar ministries, say whats the use in giving them healthier water to drink if they're headed for hell ultimately.
Ghandi says, for some, a sandwich is the only God they're going to see. JJ Heller sings, "it's the little things that make a difference, it's the little things that show love, it's the little things, a simple cup of water that will save our sons and daughters."
My good friend Jacq says, "most of us haven't got a clue, but we can love and serve."
I assert that the more I get to know me, the more I get to know God. And the one thing I am good at is showing that love to first my wife, then my mother and son and others.
Loving ones enemy, that is a tough one and with meditation we can get to a place to see their pain and damage and understand it. It doesn't mean we have to pal around with them. This is how I am with my brothers. It's best we just stay away and do not communicate. All trust is long since violated and irretrievable.
I'm about to go rescue my grandson from my drug addicted son. I used to wonder why the chain was not broken of passing on that cycle when I surrendered my life to Jesus.
Be sure to get this loud and clear - I am not able to say there is no God at this point and I will always say that JESUS has been the most significant difference for good in my life.
But my son and all of us have a journey and we have to make it, no matter how much we want to protect those we love. However, my grandson has had zero choice in this debacle, and I have often done an autopsy on my past and wished somewhere along the way that someone had been my champion. Had taken an interest in a child in a hopeless situation that he didn't choose.
We are more the determiner of our destination than any other. We are the only ones that can fix us. We have to be responsible, become our own best friends and understand fully, that I we are unable to care for anyone else if we have not taken care of ourselves first and foremost.
God is us. God is Love. If you demonstrate Love, you demonstrate God. If you demonstrate no goodness, don't claim "the devil made me do it," like Flip Wilson used to. You are what makes the world better or worse. Start with the person in the mirror and be the change you want to see.
A fool may appear wise when silent, but they're still a fool and silence is agreement.
I am a better me than anything else in the multi-verse and I like me and I'm not alone in that sentiment.
I don't believe the bible is the complete and inerrant word of God. I believe it is a lot of opinions of a lot of men and very very judgmental and condemning and more figurative than literal.
It is useful and through it, the Spirit can transform any willing life.
To claim that anyone or institution of belief system is true and correct and that others are incorrect and hell bound is offensive, absurd, illogical and not sane.
This is what I believe and you can trust this to the point of going to the bank with it. I am a blessed man. Happy and always always willing to make mistakes, grow and learn and share and embrace all ideals.
God... existence is more than I can ask or imagine.
Your experiences prove nothing to me. I do not believe ibn some things because I have never experienced them and irregardless of the irrefutability of your experiences to you, the doubting Thomas in me... ( did you catch that figurative message there? Not literal, but figurative, much like Greek mythology, or Chinese proverbs or any other sage's advice) does not acknowledge it.
We have experiences and we put a name on the,. We attribute them to something and that name is most dependent upon the prevalent belief system in the geographical region in which you reside.
I was shot in the head and praised God/Jesus for surviving. Had I been born and had a similar circumstance in Iran, I would have labeled my good fortune as the workings of Allah and be singing it's praises.
If you're capable, give this some deep thought, "we act more out of our damage, than from God/deliverance." I have a friend who is incredibly humorous. He developed as a defense mechanism from growing up as "the fat kid."
I'm generous, because I grew up with stingy people.
Drop the dear, drop the emotional roller coaster and get real and do as Dolly Parton says, "find your self and do it on purpose."
Know thyself. Probably the most profound words anyone can ever hear and embrace.
The idea of a need for a savior is only embraceable is there is something to fear and we're taught too much fear and guilt and shame.
No matter what you CHOOSE to attribute your good or bad fortune to, it never changes what actually happned or happens.
Unless and until..
"Give me my freedom for as long as I be.
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me.
All I ask of living is to have no chains on me,
and all I ask of dying is to go naturally, only want to go naturally.
Don't want to go by the devil, don't want to go by the demon,
don't want to go by Satan, don't want to die uneasy,
just let me go naturally.
And when I die and when I'm gone,
there'll be one child born, there'll be one child born in this world..
to carry on."
I've learned that if I just keep breathing, what ever I am facing will pass. I will survive and all things, including me, will pass and the wheel in the sky keeps on turning!
Live and let live. Let me believe as I do and evolve as I will and try to walk a mile in my shoes. Believe as you will and do as you feel appropriate. Wish me well, understand, pray for my soul, judge and condemn me... live fearlessly and work out your own belief/salvation.
Nuff said....
until later ;o)
Living Out Loud -
David Lee Waters
