"Mr Manic is back," she proclaimed. Hell I was just happy to be off my ass for a change. Three months of mending a broken leg from snow skiing was definitely a pain in the ass, both figuratively and literally.
So... I'd been knowing the house was going to need painting. I hoped I could hire someone to do it. Having a cold beer is always a better option in my mind than toiling in the hot sun. But I had energy built up and I had a gallon of paint I'd bought 6 months ago. Woohoo let's have at it, tomorrow. Mean time I need some more of that tasty Championship mix and Mama needs a crock pot. I hop online and order both, requesting the crock pot go directly to Mama.
Next day I'm all over the painting and in a 1/2 day I paint one small section realizing this is going to take a lot longer than anticipated. Another full day and I'll have the deck area done. Don't want to over do it on this knee.
Up and at em again the next day and in half the time I thought, I'm finished. Covered in paint from elbow to finger tips and a spot here and there on calves and knees. Clothes... forget it.
Feeling good about it, time to head to Lowes and get some more paint! While there hey lets get one of those things we can wind the hose up in. It'll look better than hanging it on the way thingie.
Get home with the paint and hose winder thing and hey look packages on the porch! Unload the car, bring the packages in and...
DAMNIT! I got two 10 pound bags of munchy mix stuff instead of two cases of 7 ounce bags!!! Next package is Mama's crock pot. At my house! ARRRGGGGhhhhh!!!
Moving on... let's install the hose thing... first remove the hanger one and dispose of the old hose. Okay... why in the hell won't this hose disconnect from the spigot? Go in house, down stairs to garage and get a pair of channel lock. Back up stairs through house and out onto deck and... Daaayaamn! Back through house and down stairs to garage for another pair of channel locks. Back up and through and Daayamm! WTF??? Hit a few times, that'll work! (Dad's theory was always, if it won't go, force it!) Well Daayamn! Now I've pulled the screw holding the spigot out from the wood siding of the house!
The fun and feeling of accomplisment is quickly fading. Head into the house for a screw driver and a longer screw. Head is too small get a washer too! Okay spigot back on house but still can't break hose free. Back into house to get knife. Out to cut hose. Agggghhh, jammed the rusty blade into my palm. Curse curse, heading into house for bandaid. back out to carry old hose to truck and toss in the bed. Head into garage for a hose repair coupling... uhh... don't have one. Okay, back up stairs, remove spigot from house, pull line through enough to disconnect then put the lil somebitch in a vice and beat on it! Ahhh hell, I gotta go inside and turn the well breaker off. Back out and... open sigot to relieve pressure... why is it still running??
Into and through house and down to garage and under house in crawl space to turn feeder valve off. On way out of crawl space I spy a long forgotten previously modified hose. Go to garage and get screw driver, back under house and agggghhh jammed screwdriver under the quick on my thumb! Blood all over, back to garage for knife, back under house, cut hose and remove fitting. Head through garage and... daayamn! Back under house to turn feeder valve back on.
Out from under house, through garage, up stairs through house and down deck to modify unremovable hose. Got it. Finally an operation in futility tames to an operation in frustration. Now for the test.... no water, WTF?? Back into house to turn breaker back on. back out and... hey it works! No drips no leaks tons of errors. Remount spigot and install new hose to winder up thing and hook it all up to the newly modified old hose that can NEVER be removed from the spigot. Test... all freking done, it works and...
Remember the words of my first father in-law who taught me carpentry plumbing and electrical skills, "if you bend three nails pack up your tools and call it quits for the day."
I'd already, during all that up and down and in and out (that has no sexual innuendo!) I'd staged all I needed to start painting another section of the house.
But instead I'll put all these tools away and have a cold one! Cheers!!!
Now, does anyone really wonder why I like beer so much? Obvious to the most casual observer. And hey, the house is still standing!
Look there's a squirrel! :)
