Tests of Love, what's in your heart?

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What's the ultimate test to determine how much you value a relationship?

I know from experience that taking a long car ride early in a relationship can be a good test I'd highly recommend for everybody. Fortunately my experience was a positive one.

What about infidelity? I've been on both sides of that coin previously as well. You can make it through either way but in the long run, karma's a bitch.

What about strained finances? We didn't have two nickles to rub together when we met.

Long distance? We did that for four years.

Jealousy?

Sex?

Ex?

There's certainly a plethora of issues that can crop up along the way in a relationship.

And if you've taken the vows, for richer - for poorer, in sickness and in health... how much do they mean, really?

How far will you go with taking over the parental position in caring for your aging parent(s)? With they share your home? Will you change their diapers?

What about your spouse? That closest of relationships can flip like a light switch with a tragic life event.

Let me tell you, initially you'll just react. You can't grasp the big picture so you do what's needed in the moment, moment to moment until the pieces of the puzzle start revealing the scenery beyond the front porch.

When you're able to exhale and close your eyes and relax just enough to let some emotion flow... your mind can swirl and feel overwhelmed.

So you ask yourself, is this what I signed up for?
Yes.

Is this what I hoped for?
No.

Is this fair?
Doesn't matter, life isn't fair.

And you make a decision. The same one when you decided to go all in. There's no turning back. You've stepped over the line.
You will not back up
give up or
shut up.

You are in LOVE. And through LOVE you will give until you feel like you can't give any more and you will dig deeper to find the energy to press on. You will do this over and over again, growing further in LOVE than you ever imagined. You'll never make the journey alone, not while breath cycles through your lungs and blood pumps through your veins.

When the LOVE of your life doesn't have the strength, you will do it all. You will be their strength.

And when the light appears at the end of the tunnel, on this journey to a new normal, you'll recharge and ride nearer your destination without slip sliding away.

Tragedy brings new levels of existence. We adapt, we over come. New plateaus, places previously  thought unobtainable. Places never even conceived, beyond wonderful.

It's difficult to think words like, "I'm glad we've had this struggle."  We've come through things not uncommon to many and we've rolled right on down the track towards one another. This one has brought us even closer. A new perspective. Not a full paradigm shift, but a deeper almost eternal thing. As though it was but a reflection and now I see fully. Face to face, with the greatest... LOVE.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is Love.

Life in the key of A

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I've traveled with Anita west to east from Hawaii to Ghana and north to south from Alaska to the Caribbean.

It's definitely been an Adventure.

This journey with Myasthenia Gravis is quite the journey with Anita.
I've been the Kite and she's been the String keeping me tethered, grounded and calm.

Now I function to rein her in so as not to over do and cause an MG crisis. She can get to feeling good, a most welcome change to the past month of complete anguish over physical struggles and nearly depleted hope. But the curtain has been lifted and with light at the end of the tunnel, she's raring to go, when able.

It's a battlefield of the mind. As Jill Bolte Taylor explains, we're responsible for the energy we bring into a room. Attitude is everything.

Optimistic can do attitudes believe and hope for a better future while Accepting the current circumstance.

Acknowledging that the road is not going to be smooth, but navigable nonetheless.

All the Answers are not readily Apparent but we can embrace the mystery and cling to one another through the valleys and celebrate the bright sunny days.

There are times when you'll feel overwhelmed like an Avalanche is Attacking you from every direction. Your emotions can wash over you like tidal waves and your thoughts can turn dark.

It can be quite difficult observing the love of your life endure such an onslaught. The once vibrant strength waning under it's pressure. Wearing you down and stealing your hope.

It can be, but the proper response is to fight it. Refuse to give it a foothold. Step into the ring and fight for the weakened one. Stand in the way, encourage, deflect the negativity.

Ask not what your doctors can do for you. Ask what you can do for your doctors.

Act or behave your way to success.

There is nothing you can not Achieve.

There is no thing that is good that is not Accessible.

Anita Tarlton is the most wonderful human I've ever known. She is dealing with limitations to features that are at the very essence of her.

She's always been stoic and now she's emotional.
She's always been a communicator and now it fatigues her.
She's always been crafty and now it saps her strength.
She's always been an eater and now chewing is laborious.
She's always been adventurous and now she's slowed down.
She's always been a singer and now she's a whisperer.

Her words, her Ability to write in a style that takes you there has not diminished.
Her loving heart has not disappeared.
Her Appreciation of others has not dissipated.
Her life is Adapting to a new normal.

She is my All. She is the one I Admire most. I lover her Always in All ways.

She is, my wonderful life, in the key of A

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MG a Tragedy or a Love story

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As the world stops turning for no one, ours has certainly skewed it's axis and the wobble effect is casting ripples across the previously normal of our lives.

We've been to the ER three times in 30 days and I've watched my wife transform from a healthy 61 year old vibrant woman to what on the outside appeared to be a 91 year old decrepit old lady.

Bringing us to her amazing bounce back to a new normal at 61 again. It's been a roller coaster ride and she alludes to with her brilliant writing skills on her blog The Silver Lining .

I'd encourage you to follow along as she describes what dealing with Myasthenia Gravis is like from within, on her blog.

For me, I've been dealing with getting letters from a doctor to support the legitimate need to have cancelled a flight Anita was due to take but was obviously unable. Filing for an appeal of a denial of coverage by the insurance company because incompetent resident neurologist students failed to annotate a positive response to medication. Acquiring needed health support items like a bipap breathing machine, oxygen tanks for the house and travel to appointments, emergency resuscitation equipment, prescriptions and making sure they're administered on time. Keeping healthy food available in a mechanically soft diet. Emergency information cards for EMT's, prescription lists, allergies, known diagnoses and following up on requested referrals to more competent neurologists.

And I can finally exhale.

Amid all the turmoil of the past six weeks, Anita and I have grabbed a hold of each other like we're floating in an eddy that's getting stronger as it nears the edge of a water fall. There were times when both of us considered the worst. But we mustered the strength, with the help of a couple of competent doctors to find our way to dry land again and have been catching our breath ever since. Our precious, precious breaths, always together, our breaths.

Our eyes have spoken volumes when there was insufficient muscle power available to draw enough air to speak. We've texted and emailed and shed quiet tears and little chuckles, trying not to waste life sustaining energy.  One such exchange via text message demonstrates the love story beautifully.

I've seen people wearing shirts that reflected their support for things like sports teams. I always ask them to, "show me your ink." We can take a shirt or jacket off and they wear out and get tossed. I don't find that particularly convincing.

But if you're convinced and committed, come hell or high water...

No matter what life throws at you...

You never doubt, 

you never fear. 

You just endure.

The first day date out for anything other than a doctor's appointment.

She's the love of my life.

She makes my heart flutter.